about a play i'm in

I figure it's high time to announce this show I'm in. It is

A Flickering
at the Historic Provo Theatre
Preview April 8, 7:30pm
Performances nightly April 9-12, 16-19
Matinees 2:30pm April 10 & 17

Look, my face is on the poster.
Don't I look distant and disappointed? And the period makeup they added to my contemporary face looks great. I have little bow lips, guys.

I play an ambitious silent film writer/director called Max, who convinces her friend Samantha to be in her big break-through film, until Howard (pictured below) the cinematographer steals the footage and sells it to Famous Players, who releases the film to Max's dismay and Samantha's ruin. High drama, right? And there's a live upright grand piano to accompany us.

We have a blog. It's fledgling, but picking up steam.

This is what we look like in the show (kind of).
In real life, after I have my hair cut, better hair-curling tools, etc., I hope to channel Bebe Daniels a little more. Isn't she so chic?
So anyway. Come see this show, please. I'm pretty proud of it (though we're still a week away from opening and I need every minute I can have to practice and go over these lines I'm starting to panic about forgetting them omg what if my mind goes blank?!?!?!?!?!??!). I might even give you a coupon for $2-off as a bribe. You can get tickets online right now from the comfort of your own home! So what's stopping ya!

but for real

Ames is a really big freakin' deal. I can't stand it.

aches of the head

Okay, I admit it. I didn't take a shower this morning, guys. What are you going to do about it? I don't smell, and my hair looks pretty okay, and I put a new coat of eye makeup on yesterday's eye makeup so it looks grungy-chic.

My reasons are: 1) My hairdryer is broken, I need a new one, and my hair is in that weird mullety stage that air dries really . So that is clearly not an option. 2) I woke up with a cracking headache for like the tenth time in the last two weeks.

I am no stranger to headaches. I've had them since I was very small. Probably inherited from my dad (along with the acne and the overbite. LOVE YOU, DERD!). They're typically of the sinus variety, but also have symptoms of good ol' tension headaches. I have a strong memory of suffering from a particularly screaming headache when I was about 10 years old, and my mom sitting next to my bed, brushing her fingertips along my forehead and telling me to envision the headache as a big nasty black hole that was slowly slowly slowly falling into itself and disappearing.

It didn't work.

But it was a nice thought! I still try that game now and then.

Still doesn't work.

But it was a nice thought!

All my headaches tend to settle behind my eyes, in my temples, in my neck, and in my shoulders/shoulder blades. And obviously under my eyes in my sinuses. Occasionally it's bad enough that my teeth ache. The sinus headaches started becoming more frequent when we moved to Utah, to a higher elevation. It's easier to feel pressure changes in the weather-- but at least that comes in handy, because my sinuses can predict the weather. Sometimes if I take some good, strong sinus medication, I can feel the pressure literally go pop! pop! pop! as it dissipates. Slowly.

According to the Discovery Health website, tension headaches are caused "in response to stress, anxiety and fatigue. Some experts believe that sufferers of tension headaches may have a biological predisposition to translate stress into the muscle contractions that cause this pain." What could I possibly be stressed or anxious about?

Well, turns out I'm starting to dream about the play, or my job, or this summer camp I'm trying to help organize.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest this is at least part of the cause of my headaches?

It probably doesn't help to live in a world filled with constant he-said-she-said and finger pointing. I'm certain that's not helping, in fact.

And let's be real-- I don't have any kind of stress reliever because I sit at this desk all day (where I stress out about life) and then I go to rehearsal (where I stress out about lines) and then I go home and lie in bed and stare at the television and drool a little. And then start all over. So I'm going to start working out. I don't know when. I have no idea when. But I've got to find little snippets of time to go pour all my stress into some kind of elliptical machine, which will make me fall sleep better, which will make me not dream, which will cut the headaches out of my life.

Cutting out the Diet Coke would probably also do it, but it's not going to happen. Let's just not kid ourselves.

hodge podge

Have you ever watched a movie and then, finding yourself suddenly helpless (maybe a bit hapless) and without a drop of creativity, you just let the DVD menu play for a few minutes-- that cut of the soundtrack becoming more and more obnoxious-- and then just hit Play and watch that same movie twice in a row?

I did that the other night with Northanger Abbey while Ames was at rehearsal. To my credit (if any credit is to be had), I fell asleep the second time through, so it wasn't quite so pathétique (still pathétique, let's be real).


My hair is getting too long in the back and it's making me lethargic. You wouldn't think shaggy hair would induce laziness, would you? It's like how Samson had long hair and was very strong, only I have long hair and would rather sit around in this snuggie, watching the same movie four times, maybe drooling a little bit, and my bangs in my eyes.

What should I be doing?

Memorizing, for one thing. I'm in a play that opens in two weeks. It is called A Flickering, it was written by my friend Mel, and there is a blog about it. Rehearsals have been going well, in the sense that we're working through a lot of really good things and starting to get to some strong places in character. That said, I'm no where near where I should be in memorizing, and I'm starting to stay up nights, fretting about it. When I'm not fretting, I dream about being backstage, about to go on, and realizing I haven't even looked at the script in days.

This won't happen in real life, but it's nerve wracking enough, that's for true.

I could also be cleaning the house, organizing the closet, figuring out what the devil I should do with the back room so it's not just a dumping ground anymore, reading a book, working on that essay I want to write... so many things.

But now there's Chocolat, and this snuggie, and Veggie Chips, and a heating pad on my back. Hey. I could be eating real potato chips, but I'm not, so thumbs up to me for that, right?

It may be preemptive to discuss, but Ames and I were called back for 110 in the Shade this morning at the Hale Center Theater Orem. To be called back was kind of a big deal in itself, so I guess it's okay to talk about. Audra McDonald-- four-time Tony winner, two-time Grammy winner, and star of Private Practice-- and Will Swenson-- recent star of Hair on Broadway and LDS film star-- are guest starring this summer in little Orem, Utah, and we were a few of only about thirty people who may have the chance to work with them. It was an interesting experience, and who knows what will come of it. I don't pretend to make any assumptions or feel secure one way or the other, but it got me thinking about my ambition and career and future and I've been humming "Don't Rain on My Parade" the whole rest of the day.

That's what I'm doing-- I'm contemplating my future. Yes. And part of my future, at this point, will involve looking like Juilette Binoche.

Meanwhile, the snuggie. And spider solitaire, which is highly addicting even though I only play on Easy.

list of happies

Happies, I said, not hippies, okay?

Some days, I need to take to heart a little Bing-and-Rosemary and just count my blessings. Not to fall asleep, but because I'm a real Debbie Downer lately about things when I really don't need to be. And I shouldn't be. I need to just be like "Good hell, self. STFU." and then be content.

THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME ABOUT MY LIFE, OKAY SELF?
.in no order.

1. Tom Ka soup.

2. My wedding ring set.

3. Large Diet Coke from McDonald's for $1.08.

4. The human orchestra on the Bright Star soundtrack.

4.5. Ben Wishaw in Bright Star because he is my boyfriend.

5. Mr. Ames, who doesn't mind Ben Wishaw being my boyfriend.

6. This freaking huge-A, bright orange, mildly ridiculous kimono on my office wall.

7. I have a job.

8. I have health insurance.

9. My nice and supportive and very talented friends who don't take advantage of me at work.

10. My parents.

11. My sister-and-BIL.

12. My in-laws.

13. Supportive artistic mentors.

14. Opportunities to write and to perform.

15. My cardigan collection.

16. Tokyo Disney.

17. All the babies my friends are having.

18. My hair is growing.

19. Carey Mulligan in Northanger Abbey.

20. Not having to distribute 40,000 summer camp fliers on my own because UVU Theatre students are selfless and awesome.

21. The fingerprints on my office window left by a tiny child squishing her face against it to say hello to me today.

22. Europe.

23. My wedding pictures.

24. Stanley Tucci's existence.

25. Spell check.

26. Essays.

27. My handwriting.

28. Twitter.

29. Delegation.

30. Extra jobs becoming available for minimal work and maximum pay.

31. Will & Grace.

32. The snuggie I made for myself with fabric that reminds me of New Orleans Square.

33. My bed.

34. My ankle is healing!!!!!!!!!!!

35. The fake cigarettes I get to use in the play I'm rehearsing.

35.5. The number of times I find excuses to have fake cigarettes in shows.

36. How bad I used to be at blogging.

36.5 How I might still be bad at blogging?

37. Purple eyeliner.

38. Ames competing in the Mr. UVU Pageant.

39. Post-Its.

40. Really cool theatre opportunities coming up this summer.

41. Theatre with -re versus Theater with -er.

42. Sprout the dog.43. Sharpie pens.

44. Listing 43 reasons my life is awesome, okay?, in like twelve minutes.

minesweeping

It is literally the worst part of my day when this happens:

Literally. The worst. I hate that sad frowny face with the Xs for eyes more than anything.

Here's a fresh new game of the minesweeper, set at Expert level, and after only two clicks-- in just one brief second!--

KABOOM.

I get it okay? I'm a LOSER, okay??

The fact is, I'm really good at minesweeper. Like, weirdly good. Like, as good as I can get without being a computer genius. My best time on Expert is 109 seconds. It was like a dream. My fingers were clicking that mouse so steadily, so confidently, and before I knew it, I was being asked to enter my name for a new High Score.

109 seconds. That's freakin sick, you guys. Of course, the computer on which I set said High Score has since gone metaphorically KABOOM and no proof of my skillz remain. Nothing but a memory of the high, the rush, the payoff.

My best score on Beginner is 5 seconds. I admit that was kind of a fluke. I hit like three squares and won. Click, click, click, then You have the fastest time for beginner level. Please enter your name. Like that could even happen on purpose. Like I'm actually even that awesome.

You know, though, if you're not careful, you'll type in your name, hit "submit" and you'll ACCIDENTALLY RESET YOUR SCORES. Some tricksy game developer programed the name entering screen EXACTLY where the High Scores screen pops up, and the "submit" button is DIRECTLY over the "Reset Scores" button.

I take back the instant death thing being the worst about minesweeping.

Accidentally resetting your scores is literally the worst part of my day.

Mr. Ames doesn't understand the rules of the game. I didn't either until my coworker at Independence High finally explained the rules back in March of 2006. One time, the computer tech teacher had to install some updates on all the computers in the school, and unbeknownst to me, he just remoted himself in to my computer-- and started playing for me! Not only did I lose control of my own mouse without warning, he lost my game for me. Jerk.

I have memories as a child, setting up a custom game so there was a single mine, and with literally one click, I could beat the game. That's because I didn't know the satisfying nuances of the game. It's a puzzle. It's mind bending. It's beautiful. Unless you keep losing accidentally-- then it's plain frustrating.

My teeny baby 9"-screen computer at home is so small that I have to use both hands to click the mouse if I hope to stand any chance of playing quickly. It works pretty well, until I left-click with my left hand instead of right-click with my right hand and then KABOOM. I've learned to be leisurely at home. These are no high scoring games, by any means, but it decreases the margin of error and I can more easily watch Will & Grace simultaneously. Of course, I get all thrown off when I come to work and there's a speedy little mouse to use, and then I get ahead of myself, and then I can't even seem to set a high score of any kind on Expert, even a sucky high score (which is ironic anyway).

Minesweeper was disabled at Seven Peaks last summer. I hated that the most. It's not like I'm an addict. It's just relaxing sometimes, okay?

Sometimes I try to play without actually right-clicking the mines, just to mix up the difficulty. There's also a certain satisfaction when you hit the last safe square and all the remaining mines fill in themselves. You know that moment on The Office, when Pam is playing FreeCell and she's saving the one card so they'll all go flipflipflipflipflipflipflipflip? Same thing, only with mines, and no sound effects.

It would be cool if Wii had a version of minesweeper. Then again, there's something reliable about its simplicity. Still. Wii Minesweeper. It's got possibilities.

This post is starting to feel disjointed because I've started actually playing instead of finishing a thought. So apparently minesweeper also makes my thought process go KABOOM.

Time to wrap it up and concentrate, suckers.

oh and hey, i wrote this

I did it again.

Please read my review about Reefer Madness which was hilarious and worth the trip to Park City, UT. Click here.

i have a jonesing for new glasses

Kay so I want new glasses, right? The ones I'd ideally like are name-brand and a few hundred dollars. They sure are shiny and retro.

Since I don't have that kind of money to just flip around when there are bills and insurance to be paid, I'm opting for a pair from zennioptical.com. It's like getting glasses from a shady street vendor in New York except without the shady or the street vendor. Or the New York.

These are my top-three choices.

Number One:
Note the funny little design on the bridge of the nose. These are a fun alternative to the Ray Bans, yeah? I dig the tortoise shell design, and that they're chunky, and that they are a "men's" design because big glasses look good on my big face. Also I need a wide lens because my eyes are so big hair toss. But for real. Price: $12.95 + lenses


Number Two:
Only in the tortoise shell pattern or black/white, for texture and also for the gold rim around the lens.
These don't feature the little nose pads that Number One has, and I do think I'd like the adjustable nose pads since my current frames don't have nose pads and they're very heavy on my nose. These might not be so bad though. These are pretty close to the Ray Bans. Little different. Still borderline hipstery. Price: $19 + lenses


Number Three:

A little more mod. There is the issue of the swirly design on the sides, but I think I'm into it. There's no rim on the lenses, but they're an interesting shape. Still, maybe a little too narrow for my enormous eyes hair toss? Price: $23.95 + lenses

Please assist. The pressure is too great. I can't possibly make a decision all by myself when we're talking like $20 here.

irrational fear of phoning

I'm back to work after a few days of spring break. It was a good four-day weekend. I mean, we didn't hit Cabo or anything, but we did see some good friends, watched some movies, bought Will & Grace season 6 (WOO WOO WOO!), saw Reefer Madness in Park City (review pending), and slept in a lot.

7am comes especially early after a day of sitting around eating blueberry pancakes and watching Bright Star.

But okay, so here I am. The voicemail light on my phone is going blink blink blink and it's creeping me out. I'm actually afraid to check my voice messages. I have this problem with checking my email, too. I worked up the gumption to open my work email a few minutes ago, but I did-- I had to work up to it. I read a few blogs, organized a few piles on my desk...

Is it normal to have a fear of doing work? This used to happen to me all the time during college, though I think that fear stemmed from the fact that I was a bad student and I feared to check my email because what if a disgruntled teacher emailed me to say I was failing and don't even bother come back to class? Communication with professors and my parents and Zions Bank equates responsibility, and sometimes I just can't handle it, okay?

My work email was kind of boring actually, when I finally came to opening it. We have a new dean in the School of the Arts. There's someone interested in attending our Educators Evening. There were a few "UV You Need to Know" messages. Nothing scary. I'm sure I'll get a message from my boss before she comes in, but that's fine, mostly.

But here's that voicemail light blinking! I have a problem with my personal voicemail too. It's ridiculous but really, after being an irresponsible person for so long, I'm even hesitant to check voicemails from my parents. I don't want to be told I a) have done something wrong b) need to take care of it. Not that any voicemails left for me at work are indications that I've done anything wrong. I think it's just a widespread fear of the phone, actually. It's ironic, since I've got such a "pleasant phone voice" that I even list it on my resume. My own sister doesn't even recognize my phone voice sometimes. But really, I always prefer to let phone calls go to voicemail rather than picking up the phone, even though that means I have to check the voicemail later and then, fear of fears, call a person back. This is why I'm so handy with the text messaging and the email.

Ironically I've also got an increasing fear of writing and got all freezy in my brain yesterday when I was trying to write a review, so who knows how long my handy with the text messaging and the email will last, really.

Okay.

Here I go.

What's the big deal? I've got a college degree. I'm a big grown-up girl with a husband. I have my own life insurance policy. I got this job because I can do awesome things like check my voicemail.

1-2-3 go.

Messages (4)
1. From department secretary--left Tuesday 3/16. This message is obsolete. Good.
2. From student internship coordinator-- left Tuesday 3/16. This message is information I subsequently found out on my own. Deleted.
3. From student employment coordinator-- left Wednesday 3/17. Wants to reschedule a meeting. Good. Easy breezy.
4. From student internship assistant-- left 3/18. If I have questions for student internship coordinator, I should call her. But I don't even need to!

I did it, guys.

But I'd still appreciate it if someone with any insight to psychology could explain to me this irrational fear of the phone and sometimes email? Please? It weirds me out.

food habit

You guys, I eat like crap.

Like, not just crap. I mean, I eat like craaaaaaaaaaaaap.

To my own credit, I do try to make an effort-- or at least I pretend to make an effort. Like, I'll get a delicious salad at school for lunch, which totally justifies the fact that I had almost a whole bag of Honey BBQ Flavor Twisted Fritos for breakfast and then allows me to follow up with Wendy's for dinner.

Interesting note: I could eat a homestyle chicken go-wrap from Wendy's for every meal of the day, every day of my life. This is no exaggeration. Literally.

I tried to trick myself into drinking water instead of Diet Coke by getting Crystal Light packets to dump into the pretty water bottle I got, and that works sometimes. Like, "a few times a week" sometimes.

I just like to eat, okay? It's super satisfying to crunch crunch crunch something with a million different flavors, okay? Food is just interesting to me and I like it. I'm a social eater for sure. No matter how stuffed I am, tempt me with a delicious cheese and crackers platter or some spinach and artichoke dip, and a table full of hilarious and fascinating company, and I'll just pack it in.

Interesting note: I could pretty easily give up sugar if I needed to. I like a few bites of dessert every now and then, but I'll pick a salt lick over an ice cream sundae any day (except if you offer me boring vanilla soft serve with rainbow sprinkles in a waffle cone-- this is a different story altogether).

If I'm not allowed to have the go-wrap for three meals a day, every day, then I could eat some variation of Asian food for all those meals a day. Favorites include: Thai massaman curry, Thai yellow curry, Thai tom ka soup, sushi, beef and broccoli, chow mein, beef donburi, eggroll-- and so on. It's good that I like weird food because I married Mr. Ames who lived in Japan for a while, and it'll come in handy to have courage when we go to Japan in a few years.

Interesting note: sometimes I think about what I'll eat later in the day, minutes after I've just finished a meal. I know I'm not alone on this, but it's still a sad, sorry truth.

I'm lucky my body metabolizes pretty quickly, all things considered. I know I'm never going to be a skinny-pants like Mr. Ames because that's not how we're built in my family. It's okay by me to be pretty average-sized and within a few pounds of myself. THAT SAID-- I've been suuuuuuuper lazy lately and my wardrobe is starting to feel a little tight here and there. I know it's entirely to do with the fact that I break into a box of chocolate Teddy Grahams and suddenly it's all gone.

Okay that is an exaggeration, but not as exaggerated as I'd like. Is that too much of a confession for a public forum? That I'm super gross about stuffing my face and I don't have any kind of exercise regimen to compensate???

I need to quit this food thing, for rill. Yikes.

in which i shortcut life

It turns out I'm in the running for a Lifetime Achievement in Wifely Laziness award.

Here I sit, browsing all these blogs I read (which numbers seem to increase daily now that I'm not so wrapped up in myself and my own awesomeness and the awesomeness of all my personal friends because, while I/they am/are awesome, it turns out there are hundreds of really, really interesting and awesome bloggers out there who are are much more awesome than I am-- or my awesome friends-- and there's something thrilling about scrolling through all those frequent updates because these are peoples' lives, here; lives of people I don't even know that are super awesome because I don't know them and yet they seem so similar to me, so maybe, just maybe, I might actually be awesome because of the influence of true, anonymous awesomeness), a stack of essays beside me which I kept from college, and a bottle of bright blue nail polish on the coffee table, waiting patiently.

Ames is currently measuring and penciling and hammering in preparation for a(nother) hanging wall shelf in our living room. I'm obsessed with these hanging wall shelves. This will be the third in our living room, there's another in our bedroom, and I'm planning to put one in our laundry nook. I'm finding the hanging wall shelves give some semblance of decorating, like I know what I'm doing when it comes to putting things prettily around my house. They're also functional-- the one in the laundry room will hold useful things like detergent and cleaning products which probably should come out from hiding more often. This little bitty one in the corner will hold a plant, which was a belated wedding gift. It's the kind of plant that will never die in spite of being owned by inherent (and accidental) plant killers like me. It'll be nice to give it a place of its own, off the side table and out of the way of our fish (Walter, Edward Cullen, Ms. Jay, Julie, and the snail, Harvey [after the gay political activist]).

But my wifely laziness.

Over the summer, as I prepared this little place for Ames to move in, I was a master of domesticity. Laundry, dishes, cleaning were never a problem. And I also made my bed each morning. These days, sadly, the same motivation is there but the follow-through is a little less common. Except that it all still gets done because Ames is now the master of domesticity.

Now I'm not all into preconceived gender roles, especially since I'm the breadwinner right now, providing for our new little family, but there is a certain satisfaction that I do have in making dinner and having a tidy house for Mr. Ames to come home to.

Before the shelf hanging, Ames also cleaned the bathroom and the fish tank (not with the same products), made the bed, and neatened up the living room. While I did do that huge sink full of dishes, he was the one to dry and put them away. He also helped clean up my parents' house in anticipation of my Dad's return today after we took care of their dog Sprout earlier this week. All in a Sunday, I guess.

Except that he's also managed to do all the laundry this week, mop the kitchen, vacuum the whole house, change the bedsheets, take care of other loads of dishes, get ahead on his homework, audition for a new play, and start operating sound for a show at school that opens in a few weeks.

And here I sit with my blogs, nursing a bottle of Crystal Light (aka low-calorie juice powder) while dinner simmers on the stove: creamy tuna casserole out of a box by Kitchen Creations (the Kroger off-brand of Tuna Helper, the sub-brand of Hamburger Helper) to which I'll add some broccoli (frozen, Target brand, in no way freshly chopped).

Why?

Because I am a Lazy Wife, who also (side note) whines more than I should, which may or may not be justifiable but is still a reality.

And for whatever reason, Mr. Ames still likes to snuggle me while we watch Canadian TV on DVD (Slings & Arrows-- Netflix it, only three seasons/18 episodes, you won't be sorry) and entertain my constant need for Diet Coke and new nail polish.

I offer the Lifetime Achievement in Extraordinary Husbandship award to Ames. He deserves it.

what grosses me out is...

Mixing up you're/your or there/their/they're
= gross

Photo captions that begin with So-n-so and I...
= super gross

When people get married and join their Facebook accounts
= The Most Gross

i have 2200 personal contacts

Have you ever emailed 2200 people?

Yeah okay, but in a single click?

I just did, and it scared the snot out of me.

I've been working for weeks on this silly (but not silly) little (but really long and important) email for work, promoting various upcoming events for our department that involve educators from the community. They're kind of a big deal, in the sense that I work for the corner of our department which focuses on children and youth, and in order for our youth programs to have youth attendance, we need to get their teachers involved.

It's a lovely email. It looks very pretty with all the pictures decorating it, but very clean and interesting. Key phrases bolded so they stick out to skimmers. Detailed, but not so detailed that people won't have reason to come to our informational meeting next month.

But okay, can I tell you how long I've worked on editing this thing? I've had my first taste of a writer's nightmare. I mean, the blog is one thing because I can just blahhhhhhhhh all over it and who cares (well, I do, since I reread my own posts numerous times and edit frequently after posting, no matter how lame the post). But this email will kind of make or break me, you guys.

MY LEGITIMACY AS AN ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT IS ON THE LINE, HERE.

And I've already finished my 44oz Diet Coke with light ice from McDonald's which is the best $1.08 of my day, so what have I to calm me???



In other news, I've decided to start doing some freelance editing work. If you need things edited, or if you know people who need things edited, please call/text/email/tweet me or whatever. I'll do it for a small sum, or more preferably, kind of a larger sum. Either way. Some sum is better than no sum, right? Editing. Manuals, papers, applications, dissertations (AH!? but for real.), whatev.

"i've made one or two notes"

This is how I feel my work is viewed-- all the time.


Sometimes it's just like, why even bother? Why did I even get that English degree?

Just rewrite everything for me, please.

2009 Acknowledgment Awards

Truth: I didn't actually watch the Oscars this year.

Truth: I didn't actually really care.

Truth: The word/name "Oscar" always reminds me of the Russian guy who lived at the boarding house on Hey Arnold! who learns to read in that one episode aptly titled "Oscar Can't Read."
When the nominees were announced a while back, I was one of the many who raised my eyebrow for a quick sec about Sandra Bullock who, while darling and perky and endlessly kooky, hasn't ever struck me as an Oscar-winning actress. This is how I felt about Eddie Murphy's nomination for Dream Girls, who really was just great but it was unexpected, however convincing he is as a woman in Norbit*.

That said, though I admittedly have yet to see The Blind Side, I've only heard positive things about Sandra, and I guess it really is about the individual performance, not about recognizing the entire body of work. She even said,

"I didn't aspire to this. I was in awe of it. I admired it. I got to watch it like everyone else did, or present, but it wasn't something that I said, 'One day when I get the Oscar.' Don't aspire to be in these shoes. Walk in your own," she said. "Everyone's unique, and that's what makes people exciting to watch, I think. So, just savor what you are and not what everyone else wants you to be."

And she looked way classier than Oscar from Hey Arnold!
No comparison, really.

But because Sandra is an inspiration, I'd like to recognize performances of 2009 who may not have expected an Oscar but really do deserve a hearty thumbs-up.

The 2009 Acknowledgment Awards

Best Chronic Hair Tuck Behind the Ears:
Kristen Stewart in New Moon, Adventureland, and real life.

Note how she never breaks character. EVAR.

Best Product Placement:
Kristen Wiig in Whip It

"You can never have too much eyeliner or Lash Blast."

Most Potentially Faith-Promoting Performance by an Actual Atheist:
Ricky Gervais in The Invention of Lying

Most Endearing Moment of Unintended Douchebaggery:
Zach Efron in 17 Again

Best Tribute to George-Michael Bluth:
Michael Cera in Year One, or everything he's ever done.
Best Gross Tattoo Coverage:
Megan Fox in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Most Hardcore Cliff Jump in His Nudiepants:
Hugh Jackman in X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Best Performance of Beyonce's Single Ladies:
Brittany and the Chippettes in Alvin and the Chipmucks: The Squeakquel

Best/Twistiest The-Good-Guy-Is-Actually-Bad! Actor,
who is also a priest and a pilot:
Ewan McGregor in Angels & Demons
Least Appealing Film with the Least Appealing Title:
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
Most Accurate Portrayal of a Historical Figure:
Bill Hader as General Custer in Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

Most Convincing Portrayal of a Double-Life:
Best Stage Name:
Best Wig:
Miley Cyrus in Hannah Montana The Movie
Best Adaptation of A Christmas Carol:
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

*I never actually saw Norbit.

words that are neat

complacent . fancy . commonplace . tranquillité . banal . vapid . sip . shiny . minutia . snark . endearing . zipper . academia . festive . esprit . coinage . enormous tax return . veneer . funfetti . spooky . irony . quotation . erasure . sconce . muppet . sucker . shadowbox . tulip . bobblehead . cruller . crest . attempt . towel . toil . taupe . scenario . scenic . ambient . adoration . nap . frigid . squishy . nighttime . hilarity . spousal . weighty . naivety . disneyland . manuscript . carnation . maniacal . legitimacy . credible . sinking . cuddlebum . loop. locket . insatiable . unlikely . apprehension . eternal

day 30: the last day, on which it snowed and all melted

We woke up to something like eight inches of snow on the ground this morning. I was not pleased about it. Not that I don't like snow. I like snow. Mostly I wasn't happy about the fact that it was very squishy wet snow that makes my shoes--and therefore my socks--all wet, and then my feet are clammy all the day long.

Don't you lecture me on wearing water-proof shoes. Do so, and I'll lecture you about using your turn signal or the difference between your and you're.

To be frank, one of the other reasons I wasn't pleased by the snow is because of the number of unavoidable complaints to be heard all day on twitter and facebook and from students passing by my office.

Dear Utards,

(Utard being an all-encompassing term to include residents of Utah or those who choose, by their own free will, to live in Utah and insist upon complaining about it)

Guys, it's March. Not only is it March, it's March 5. It is still winter. I do not care if the weather has been tempting us all with spring, because it is still winter. It is snowing all over the country. The East Coast is snowed in, and has been for months. A few inches of snow is not going to kill us, nor should it be a particular surprise, because it's March.

Put on a sweater and deal.

Love, Emily

PS. Don't say cute things like "Ugh! Lame Utah weather!" because I don't know what that means. Weather will change its mind, no matter where you are. This is winter. Welcome to it.

The fact is, the snow was quite lovely coming down in enormous fluffy puffs that really did make me want to stick my head out the car window to let a few of those flakes fall on my tongue. It was so pretty that, if I blocked the dirty slushy puddly road from my line of sight, I wanted to hop out and build a snowman, or at least kiss Mr. Ames. And now, as I type, the sun has come out and it's all melting away, almost like it didn't even happen.

In some ways, I think the surprise almost-spring snowstorms are my favorite. Not only are they unexpected, but it makes the warming up afterward so much nicer! And I don't know about you, but I thrive on layering clothes. Please give me six layers to wear every day of my life. Please please please. I don't do well with warm weather clothes. I don't know how to handle it. But doesn't a sudden cold spell also make for the nicest, coziest, blanket-iest cuddling? YES IT DOES.

And when it snows in the very early spring, it feels like the whole world just gets washed a little and it actually smells cleaner outside. I mean, sure it takes the ground a few days to dry out, but it's like spring cleaning in preparation for spring.

I can't say a snowy spring like we had last year is ideal (snowing into April, when it really is legitimately springtime in Utah), but a few inches of snow on March 5? Keep it coming.

i have boring things to buy

Let me tell you about my most recent contributions to the economy.

(for our apartment, not the musical. the musical would be more interesting.)

Being on a budget is suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper boring, you guys.

day 29: mickey mouse chicken nuggets

I bought a large bag of frozen chicken nuggets from Target (shock) a few weeks ago, and they are shaped like Mickey Mouse heads.

Maybe that is creepy.

I refute the creep factor and argue that it is in celebration of the fact that Mr. Ames and I, with some of our newest why-did-it-take-us-so-long-to-be BFFs, are going here May 6-9.

Also, I'm happy to tell you, the Mickey Mouse chicken nuggets are chicken-y and delicious.

i have a great outfit today

Today is one of those perfectly not-winter-not-spring days. The weather has been changing like crazy-- I've been waking up with headaches, which is the worst, but it's also a sign of a lot of pressure changes. It sprinkled a pretty little rain for about 0.2397 seconds at 8AM. It made me excited for spring.

I actually got ready this morning, and even though I didn't particularly have "enough time" (read: 20 minutes), I managed to pull it together-- me and my body-wash-washed hair. Speaking of my hair, I'd really like to dye it again. Also I'm growing it back out (again) so that it will look something like
because this hair is parfait hair, and so is her makeup. I want to live in the 60s. But I digress.

My perfect not-winter-not-spring-not-1960s outfit looks like this.

1. Headband (Forever 21). Black. Bow. Perfect.Note: this is me wearing this headband sometime last summer, and looking very excited because I won Pin the Tail on the Donkey at Michael's birthday party by pinning the freaking tail on the donkey EXACTLY WHERE IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO.

2. This dress (Target), only it's black on top with a black and pink and purple skirt so it's like subtle spring. Like spring at nighttime. Like spring that's just a little chilly still. Also it's got an elastic belt that hits me just so and makes me want to be more like Julie and Jessica, who belt everything in their wardrobes because it makes them look fantastic. Maybe they're on to something here.
Note: my skin is IN NO WAY so lovely and golden and warm. I don't think I could ever be this color tan if even dreamed about it.

3. Cardigan (Old Navy), since it's not-spring, but white, because it's not-winter.Note: This is close to a Perfect Cardigan. I almost bought one in every color, except I'd already bought three others that day when I went shopping for new clothes because I got a new job and needed new work clothes. Duh. Of course.

4. Leggings (Forever 21). This dress is short, which would make me unprofessional in the workplace. Also, this dress is short, which would make me freeze.Note: If you think these are my legs-- or that is my flat stomach-- you are sooooooooorely mistaken.

5. Gray boots that make me feel like Peter Pan (Target). These keep me warm.
Note: Take the buckles off the boots in this picture, and that's what my actual boots look like. Slouchy and knee-high and like Peter Pan, am I right am I right?

Also, every bit of jewelry I'm wearing today was given to me by Mr. Ames, who let me snuggle up real tight to him last night after I had a very bad dream in which our campus library blew up and everyone died. Apparently, I have an active imagination, and my dream-mourning may have manifested itself by the abundance of black in my outfit today. How fitting.

In other news: this is the greatest album you will ever own, so you must buy it. If you don't know The Rocket Summer, and if you think you don't care, you're wrong, and please read this post.

day 28: blog secret

I have been out of shampoo for the better part of a week. I have been using Midnight Pomegranate body wash from B&BW to wash my hair. Truth: my hair feels fantastic, and I'm seriously considering the possibility of just buying some Suave body wash at the store today so I can go on with this body-wash-shampoo game without spending $10.50/bottle.

I'm wearing a great outfit today.

I had this goal to lost 15 lbs by the end of March. Not only is it March 3 and I'm no where near 15 lbs, it's March 3 and I haven't lost anything.

I go to the bathroom approximately 736 times per day. I have a bladder the size of a walnut.

I miss being in school. I don't miss inane assignments, but I miss learning things and being around really smart professors. I'm going to start taking advantage of the fact that I can take classes at UVU for free, maybe even over the summer. I just want to take some history classes, and some English classes, and maybe I'll even pop into a French class since I'm all about learning French again. Also I'm going to take Acting, because I want to be an actor, but I have (gasp) never taken a legit acting class.

Sundance is producing Big River this summer, and maybe I want to be a part of it. Maybe I want to be a part of it mostly because Mr. Ames is dying to play Huck and he's likely got a very good chance at the role. Maybe I'd love for him to play a lead at a professional acting company.

Or maybe I'd rather be BFF with Audra McDonald in 110 in the Shade because this is happening 6 blocks away from my house. So, you know, that's an option.

I'd also like to be BFF with Bryce Avary of The Rocket Summer. It's ironic because he just released this new song on his new album about how sometimes he feels like a Japanese exchange student (aptly titled "Japanese Exchange Student") because everyone is fascinated with being his friend when they meet him but it's only because they want to say they're friends with him and not actually be friends with him. That said, I've always wanted to be friends with him, and Bryce-- if you're reading this, we're already mutual Twitter friends, so let's just be friends in real life, kay?

While I don't love getting up at 7AM on Mondays and Wednesdays, I very much love the very quiet hour between 8-9AM in my office, with just a little desk lamp to light the room and no one coming in to talk to me, and very few phone calls. I seem to get a lot down without distractions, even if it's only (mildly lame) blogging.

I'm ready for another day off. I'm thankful that UVU has things like spring break, which BYU does not have, so we have days off every month in the semester! Breaks things up a bit, you know? Doesn't make the almost-spring seem quite so long and unbearable.

I eat like serious crap in the morning. This probably has something to do with my inability to lost 15 lbs. That, and I'm unmotivated, would rather sleep an extra half hour each morning, love delicious food, and would rather sit around watching Will & Grace each evening. (To my own credit, I also read as much as I watch Will & Grace, so I guess that's something, at least.)

I'm in a new play with like 65 pages of dialogue to memorize. I'm terrified out of my brain, especially since friend Melissa WROTE IT HER VERY OWN SELF and to destroy it would be the worst ever.

And those are my secrets today.

day 27: diaries of an un-quitter

So I figured I was only four days away when I decided to up and quit this 30-days business. That was super lame of me. I guess I'm not going to quit, but I don't know that I'm actually going to adhere to the assigned prompts. (Assigned? Is this for class and I'm getting graded?) In fact I probably won't, because I feel like the last few are designed explicitly for people who don't blog very much and readers don't have any idea what's happened in the last week/month/year.

If you're actually curious, I'll sum up for you: cast in a new play, working, Urinetown, got a new job, newlywed, HR at Seven Peaks Water Park, got married, planning a wedding, graduated from college, got engaged, The Importance of Being Earnest, dating a boy named Ames, all the while reading a lot of essays and blogging. There. My week, month, and year in a few short lines. Don't need to blog about it!

Today's topic: Renaming the Blog.

The fact is, Emily's Alpine Path was begun as a commentary on literature and poetry. True story. Fittingly, I called it Emily's Alpine Path as an ode to L.M. Montgomery and her Emily of New Moon books (high fives to readers who got the reference). We have since moved far away from that, and while essays are cozy literature in their own right, and though I still try (or will try) to essay more frequently, I'm jonesing for a new blog title.

Help me.

Things I like:
1. Europe
2. Pretty things
3. Target
4. Retro, vintage stylings
5. Will & Grace
6. French words
7. Journals
8. Wit
9. Museums & paintings
10. English ords

I like the late 1950s/early 1960s. The word tranquillité. Something that channels this:
And:I feel like Julie needs to own that very dress there, but that's another story. Another story is how beautiful Juliette Binoche is and how I want to look EXACTLY LIKE HER when I'm her age. Epitome of elegance-- are you even kidding me about her right now/ever???

But the point is that I'm going to rename the blog. It's going to happen. Don't be at all surprised if one day you show up to your blog roll and don't recognize the name-- don't worry! It'll just be me! No big!

But kinda big, since it's kind of like a part of my identity. I'm feeling the same kind of inner crisis that I did when I got married and changed my name. Note to self: write something interesting/meaningful about that.

Good grief, I need to start writing about things that matter or that are a least a little bit funny. I'm the most boring.

BUT NOT FOR LONG!

And also, PLEASE CAN I HAVE THIS RING?????

day 26: i quit (30) days of blogging

Are you wondering what I had for breakfast this morning?

I'm a model of health, you guys. Bow to me.

Anyway, the last few subjects of this blog-a-day are really boring, I think. I can't really think of a way to make them interesting. I feel strongly that people might read the subject "day 28: your year, in great detail" and be scared off by the "in great detail." I would be. It sounds boring, even to me, even though I've had a great year. So I'm quitting. Just up and quitting. Do you know what this means? It means I'm a QUITTER, which makes me a model of determination, in addition to my being a model of health.

You're becoming more fond of me by the minute, aren't you?

So I did a really cool thing this weekend. My friend Mel-- playwright, educator, drinker of un-diet Coke-- won the 2009 Association for Mormon Letters award for Drama. She wrote this play called Little Happy Secrets that's really quite good (obvi), so I'm not surprised it won an award. There was a little relaxed party on Saturday night for all the winners to do short reads from their award-winning work, and because Mel is a playwright not an actor, she asked me and Ames to tag along and read a few scenes from the play. We met up with a girl who was in the original cast, and read two scenes that were very, very well received by those in attendance.

It was really cool to be a part of the evening, but also to hang out with writerly types. Some very interesting and impressive work was honored. But it also got me thinking about how I could do that. So I'm going to. There's a personal essay contest coming up, as well as a submission deadline for the associated literary magazine Irreantum. In fact, I'm pretty sure there are a lot of submission deadlines for various literary journals and websites in the next few weeks/months. So there's ambition.

But my real point is, I'm so excited and blessed to have such talented, interesting people around me, and so many recent opportunities to stretch my creative self. It's scary, and I like it. Also, I'm going to be in the cast of Mel's latest endeavor, A Flickering, which will hopefully attract deserved attention.

In other news, I'm desperate to afford the last three seasons of Will & Grace on DVD because, even though my inclination to buy DVDs has waned lately because of the convenience of Netflix, my copies of seasons 1-5 are getting old. That is to say, it'll never get old, but I'd really like to round out the collection. That is to say, I really need that episode with the dinner party at Grace and Leo's apartment with the itty-bitty puppy named Chompers.