30 January 2009

observation

I'm pretty sure when I have children, they are not going to be unruly. They will be well-behaved and not scream uncontrollably in places of business so that employees cannot do their jobs. Even if they do scream a little, as children are wont to do, they will be quickly pacified because I will pay attention to them and not ignore them as they cry so loudly that employees cannot hear themselves talking to other patrons on the phone. I will not walk into an office and close the door-- which typically remains open during business hours, in case other people want to do business-- or let them toddle back behind the desks of employees. I will not let them wander off, and if by chance they do, I will not sit lazily in an office chair and call, "Emily.... Emily where are you.... EMILY!!!!!" (which, in this case, is the name of the child, not me) as the child wanders aimlessly and inappropriately through places of business. If necessary, my children will wear leashes, if that's what it takes to keep them under control.

But of course, my children will be perfectly behaved and socially aware, even when they're 2 years old, so of course I won't have to worry about leashing them.

26 January 2009

so much feeling

Happiness is wearing adorable boots every single day of the week, even when they don't "match" the rest of your outfit, even when the slush soaks right through the bottom of them and your feet are soggy for the rest of the night. Happiness is people telling you you look "lovely" and have great hair, and happiness is knowing they're right. Happiness is a green plastic headband and a wallet that looks like a cigarette case.

Happiness is a warm puppy and Bridget Jones' Diary and falling asleep on your parents' bed for a few hours. Happiness is knowing you're going to cry very hard at the end of Big Fish, right in the place where you always start crying, and then you do. Happier-ness is when some of your best friends are crying too.

Happiness is going to church, and participating, and playing the piano, and being obedient, and starting to attend the new Temple Preparation class.

Happiness is prioritizing your life in a way that has nothing to do with deadlines. Happiness is knowing life will go on if you turn in something late. Happiness is knowing you could have gotten 100% on that paper, but being content with an 89% because it was too comfortable to stay out too late the night before you wrote it.

Happiness is forty students furiously typing assignments in the computer lab while you write a blog or personal essay instead.

Happiness is having a hundred-thousand things to write about in your journal. Happiness is writing down texts and conversations so you'll remember them forever. Happiness is sharing everything with a good friend while you eat a bagel and strawberry cream cheese, and have conversations in public and scream every once in a while because you're happy, and maybe throw your phone around and it breaks, mostly because the word sauté makes her a little crazy.

Happiness is winning Disney Scene It? because you stole all of Janessa points from under her (which really just means that you're really good at buzzing in really fast when the pressure is on).

Happiness is having someone get in your head all day.

Happiness is your soul singing.

22 January 2009

rain cloud

Have you ever sat in the library for hours on end, the people at the computer kiosks next to you coming and going and looking all the same as they finish their work and leave you to yours-- the piles and piles of homework that are really only metaphorical because it's actually just posted online for you to read and translate, and all those foreign words just look exactly the same, and you wonder why in the world did you ever decide to study this language? What in the world compelled you to put off all this work until your last semester of college when you should be spending every afternoon skiing, because that's what you've always heard seniors in college do their last semesters at school-- show up for class in their pajamas every morning and ski every afternoon, right? Just ski every afternoon, even though you haven't ever gone downhill skiing, though this is your eighth winter living in Utah, in fact you haven't even touched a pair of cross country skis since you left New York, probably.

So there you are, still in the library, and your computer neighbors have changed again maybe, you can't really tell, and you're really distracted by the chip in your nail polish. You can't concentrate because of that stupid little chip in your nail polish, and I mean, what kind of person can't concentrate because of a dopey little chip in your nail polish?!? And of course there's also your phone sitting next to you, taunting you with its lack of incoming messages and tempting you to send out a few of your own so that you can smile smugly at it when the messages start to pour in after all. Of course all you really want is a text or something from a specific someone but you're a little too proud to text him yourself because for whatever reason you're still caught up in mind games, only they're your own mind games, you're in your own head, psyching yourself out, so it's even worse, you, sitting there with your internet homework and chipped nail polish and your silly one-sided mind games.

You distract yourself for a while, checking for facebook updates every 3.5 minutes and hoping someone has updated their blog when there are no more facebooks to check, but there aren't any of those either, so you start in on a blog of your own which ends up just sounding like an extended rant because what else have you got to say for yourself, sitting there in the library, hoping your homework might just go away if you shut your eyes and give it some time. That's another one of your mind games though, see, just another mind game since ignoring it will only make it stack up higher and more metaphorically, since the online pages just get longer and longer, and the passages are more and more alike, and you have to answer some questions about something you're not even sure you actually read, even though you know your eyes looked at all of those words at least once, twice, six times. But ignoring it, even just for a few minutes while you facebook and blog and check your phone to "see what time it is" and you finally scratch off all the nail polish on that nail so now your middle finger is naked while the rest are all polished-- but somehow it's fitting, that highlighted middle finger, and you snicker to yourself about it for a second-- ignoring it only makes you more antsy and you start counting down the minutes until you can meet your friend from high school for lunch.

Have you ever had a day like that?

16 January 2009

blog secret 2.0

...because I'm really good at making lists.

I feel irreversibly ridiculous whenever I take my backpack to school. This is why you see me carrying enormous and enormously stuffed purses, or I carry a stack of books in my arms. I'm finding this semester to be tricky, however, since it seems I have to carry my entire library with me each and every single day to school. This is because I'm taking 8 credits of German, and I'm sorry, but that English-German dictionary is anything but "concise." So basically I can thank the German department for looking ridiculous. Maybe I should just get a new trendy backpack, OR use a camel back for a normal backpack because I get so thirsty walking across campus everyday, you guys. Must always be hydrating-- always.

I like to think that I'm really good at playing tomboy-ish roles and that I'm not an ingenue kind of actress, mostly because I feel that way in real life. I don't feel like a Miss Dorothy or a Laurie, and I'm more than happy to play "ugly" characters onstage. I have noticed, however, that I have not lately played an "ugly" role. In fact, the last "ugly" role I played was the Stepmother in Cinderella my senior year of high school. I have been cast recently in really quite "pretty" roles-- sassy, perhaps, but not at all "ugly." This is an interesting revelation to me. It has greatly changed my outlook and goals.

I'm never without mascara. My eyes are permascara-ed. Not only this, but I have at least one tube of mascara on me at all times. I can't say I typically use it, though I carry it, but it's like a grown-up security blanket. Somehow I feel like Lucy Van Pelt would understand.

I'm obsessed with boots. I have four pair now in varying styles, though still nothing exactly like I found them in London (WHY DIDN'T I BUY THOSE CURSED BOOTS FOR £15?!?!?!?!). I think what I'd really like is a pair of boots like the ones Sloane wears in Ferris Beuller's Day Off. Don't think I wouldn't wear them, either. Actually, I'd probably wear them every single day...

...but only if I can find a new decent pair of skinny jeans. I love skinny jeans. Sometimes I wish I were skinnier to look more skinny in skinny jeans, but luckily, skinny jeans come in my size anyway, even if I am not myself skinny.

Sometimes I look at people who are loud, socially awkward, obnoxious, badly dress, and/or have glasses that are not quite retro enough to be awesome, and I wonder to myself, how are they married? Does this make me mean/judgemental/bitter?

05 January 2009

ominous morning

Today is officially my last first day of school. I know I said that in September, and technically that's right since September first-day-of-school tends to be all encompassing, but since college semesters are all different, it's officially the last fist day of school of my undergraduate career. I'm freaking out because this means I'm old, I'm almost a real grown-up, and I have to find a way to support myself for the rest of my life starting in April. I don't know how to do that! I'm looking at this application for a loan toward the possibility of getting a new laptop and I have to provide credit references. I don't have any credit references. I'm 22-years old and I will require a co-signer because I don't have credit references. I probably couldn't even tell you in exact terms what a credit reference is. I'M NOT READY TO BE A GROWN-UP!!!

So though I begin 2009 kicking and screaming inside my head, I intended to be very responsible on my last first day, starting by getting up early to get all nice and pretty, and then take my car in to get a check up after a small skidding incident over the weekend that may or may not have screwed up the alignment. Waking up early proved a bit ominous.

1. Woke up with a cracking sinus headache-- the kind that make you feel like you're dying and if you lift your head you might throw up. It didn't help that I kept hitting the snooze button so that Maroon 5 cd started over no less than 12 times.
2. After finally dragging myself to the bathroom, and burned myself slightly on water that was too hot, I discovered (too late) that I didn't have shampoo in my shower. Luckily, the Suave Body Wash I had to resort to smells delightful.
3. It is effing FREEZING today, you guys, which means my car took like twelve years to actually start up.
4. The service center just west of campus is terribly convenient, which means about eighty people had already dropped off their cars by 8:20am (impressive, since the place opens at 8). It's nice to have family in the area who can drive me to and pick me up from work this afternoon since my car probably can't get looked at until tomorrow.
5. Ice. Everywhere.
6. A quick grab at my Diet Coke (which I had to buy at 8am to encourage headache medicine to kick in faster) to prevent it from spilling resulted in breaking my straw, since the plastic had brittled due to the extreme weather.
7. The specific kind of Bic gel pens that have become not only a staple in my college success, but a necessary good luck charm at the beginning of a semester, are no where to be found in the bookstore.
8. The rentable laptops at the bookstore are out of stock.
9. Delynne is teaching my dance class this semester, that I have to take at all.

That said, I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the niceties that also managed to present themselves.

1. As I wrestled with my headache and willpower to get up this morning, I received a very thoughtful text message that certainly encouraged the waking up process.
2. Body Wash made my hair look awesome today. I may just give up on shampoo altogether.
3. My books were less than $150 for all my classes this semester, including a new day planner which was definitely overpriced, but red, and leather, and I love it.
4. I ran into Greg, Jen, Jessica, and Rebecca in the bookstore. I adore them all beyond words. Truly.
5. Wayne called me.
6. We're reading The Mystery of Edwin Drood and various Sherlock Holmes stories in my Mystery in Fiction (19th Century Emphasis) senior course. I am a nerd, this class is essentially useless, and I'm going to love every single second of it.
7. I had 62 facebook notifications from all the silly, nostalgic pictures I posted yesterday, and reconnected with an old friend to boot.
8. Though I was hoping to rent a laptop, if I can get my parents to co-sign for my lack of credit references, I could probably pay off a new Mac in a matter of months, thereby building some credit for needed references in the future.
9. I love my family. A lot.

So overall, no real complaints. I mean, I could complain about the girl who was slopping her way to class in front of me this morning, who shouldn't have been wearing those cute, furry boots since she seemed to have a slight pigeon-toe and placed all her weight on the insides of her feet, making said cute boots look ridiculous, but I guess she can't help the way she walks, so I won't complain. It's cold, but invigorating, and maybe I'm not exactly looking forward to spending two hours each day in German classes, but I'm not exactly dreading it either.

Cheers, Winter Semester 2009. Cheers to you and your finality.

02 January 2009

old lang syne

I probably should have updated around Thanksgiving when I was supposed to have been grateful. I'm a rebel. I don't buy into prescribed gratefulness. I'll be grateful when I'm good and ready-- and I'll have another helping of stuffing while I'm at it!

So now that it's 2009, I'm finally ready to be grateful, thank you. My parents got on my case for like two weeks to write my own paragraph for our family Christmas newsletter. You know the kind. They're one step above writing bios for programs, where you have to write something very short, but informative, about yourself. Bragging is wrong, right?, so it's hard to start up and make it sound all humble, but then once you're on a roll it's hard to stop because I am a big deal, you guys.

Only kidding.

But really. I have had a real important, grown-up year, and I'm suddenly kind of overwhelmed with all the interesting things I got to do. Since last Christmas I've performed in seven productions.

A Christmas Carol - She Loves Me - Little Women - The Marriage Proposal

Pericles, Prince of Tyre - Sweeney Todd, in concert - A Christmas Carol

I visited the Mother Land.


Hampton Court Palace - Oxford University - Parliament and Big Ben - Shakespeare's Globe Theater - Edinburgh Castle - Eiffel Tower

I saw some pretty cool art...

Cupid & Psyche - Le Moulin de la Galette - Starry Night Over the Rhone - Dance Class at the Opera
Not pictured: Bathing at Asnieres (Seurat); The Astronomer and A Lady Seated at the Virginal (Vermeer)

...and visited (and maybe cried over-- you don't know!!) some interesting dead people.

Ben Jonson - Oscar Wilde - William Shakespeare - Anne Boleyn - THE CHOPPING BLOCK!!!
Not pictured: Queen Elizabeth I, Mary Queen of Scots, John Donne, Georges Surat, King Henry VII, Gilbert Shakespeare, some Scottish soldier's dogs

I got in my first (and hopefully only) car accident.
Not pictured. Though the accident ended up paying for my trip to England, I try not to think about the experience. Shiver.

I heard some good music, too.

Rooney - Ben Lee - Ben Folds - Rooney - The Rocket Summer

I love good food, and I ate a lot of it-- with some great friends, no less.

Trying sushi for the first time, Happy Sumo - Asuka nights with AJ/Kyle/Julie etc - Hooters with JerBear/Matt/Melinda - Bagel at JFK Airport

McDonalds, Paris, France - Spoon Me, London, with Jana/Kevin - English breakfast, Stratford, England - Pericles lunches
Not Pictured: Lunch in the Hampton Court gardens with Anna; 800 trips to Denny's with Julie/Jeremy/Kyle/Aj/Janessa/Darick/Mitch/Riley/Sheldon/Jami/Jillian/Bizzy/&tc.

And to top it off, I threw a real-life, grown-up, kick-AH New Year's PARTY, that people actually came to, that involved vintage dresses and tuxedos, that utilized a dozen random Christmas trees, and that was severely romantic.


Here's to 2009, baby. It'll be tricky, but here's hoping 2008 actually pales in comparison.