happy wednesday

This is an experiment.

I don't tend to get into blog trends like "flashback friday" or whatever. I mean I appreciate those kinds of prompts for others-- keep writing them. I like reading them sometimes. I just don't tend to write them myself.

But in an effort to post more consistently and maybe look forward to a mid-week slump and even perhaps to enrich this blog with contributions of others, I'd like to start my very own

~*~*~*happy wednesday*~*~*~

On this Wednesday I am happy about my hair. I took a pair of scissors to my bangs on Friday and now I've got a nicely framing fringe again. It's also a very dark brown color, almost black, in an attempt to channel classy ladies like Audrey Hepburn and Krysten Ritter and maybe Katy Perry who makes up with quirk what she lacks in class.

It wasn't quite so hot today as it has been lately, which makes me happy because I think it means autumn is actually on the way.

I started a new baby blanket, which will be darling, using a pattern which I will use in the future on a grown-up blanket, which will also be darling, and the yarn of it makes me so happy.

Yarn in general is just so happy. Especially yellow kind.

I had a visit from Heidi today, which made me happy, and also saw Alexis and Kelly and had lunch with Mr. Ames, and all of those people are very happy, even when we're talking about serious things. Serious does not equal unhappy.

I'm starting some no-joking voice coaching this week, which will improve my skills and make me sing more, and singing always makes me happy.

I read this article today as recommended by my friend Julie, and the article itself isn't very happy, but it is very inspiring. It also made me feel good because I've come to a place in my life where I'm not striving to be quite so perfect. I don't need to be perfect. I'm not perfect. I have faults and quirks, and sometimes they're kind of funny. I'm happy being me, and I really wish everyone could be happy as themselves.

I've started watching Hoarders (which deserves a post of its own) and today, it makes me happy that I have a nice little apartment with nice furniture that is increasingly coordinating, with nice things on the wall, and without a layer (or a foot or three) of filth all over it. I'm happy Ames and I help each other keep it nice.

And as always, I'm happy that Haribo Raspberries exist and that I can eat them.


What are you happy for this Wednesday?

career path

Given my sentiments about lipstick last week, I just wanted to follow up:

I wore lipstick six out of seven days last week. Because I'm not joking around anymore.

[I also finished reading The Hunger Games, which accounts for the fact that I just wrote a sentence followed by a clause. I'm not being a snob when I say that I enjoyed the book well enough, but I don't care to read the other two. My life will not change for better or worse for having not read them.]

You may be wondering how I chose various shades of lipstick to buy, since I'm severely lipstick impaired and terrified to buy something that will look dreadful with my coloring. Well of course I took the easy way out and bought the exact shade Jessica Biel wears in the commercial for the "Just Bitten" line of Revlon lipstain+balm. That's right-- I bought vampire-inspired lipstain. It's called "Passion." It is very pink and beautiful. It also makes me look ethereal and vampireish.
Incidentally, it's also nice and moisturizing, so I bet I'll buy more of this vampire lipstain+balm.

I bought some shirts at Express this week, which was kind of a big deal for me because I tend to feel like Express clothes have very slender cuts, which means things don't fit or flatter me. But I bought two shirts from Express, and they fit, and they're size medium, which is a triumph in the face of my unintentional weight maintenance.

I've been contemplating My Future lately (read: forever) and really trying to determine What Makes Me Happy.

1. Mr. Ames (duh)
2. Television
3. Clothes
4. Performing
5. Writing
6. Shopping
7. Having cool hair
8. Puppies
9. Good food
10. #s 2-9 involving Mr. Ames

Now that I've been graduated and in "the work force" long enough to appreciate that I've graduated and I'm now contributing to "the work force," it's time I start figuring a way to involve these kinds of things into a career. I understand that while it would be ideal to find a job that allows me to buy and wear clothes while having cool hair and then going home to eat good food and snuggle Mr. Ames and a puppy while watching television, I can't count on it.

I mean, in a perfect world...

But okay! Help me get creative, folks! What kinds of careers would allow me to mix-and-match these interests in a financially positive way?

Note: I like dressing myself and having my own cool hair and do not necessarily want to be responsible for the clothing and cool hair of others.


PS. I saw 30 Seconds to Mars on Saturday and Jared Leto tweeted a picture of me. LOOK THERE I AM CAN YOU SEE ME??

a plea

Dear Universe,

It is September 22. It is the first day of autumn.

Why is it still 80 degrees outside?

You're making it difficult to wear all my fall clothes and layers, which I like so much more than summer clothes. It was perfect cardigan- and sweatshirt-weather in Maine a few days ago. This is a super shock to my system. Also, it's annoying.

Please quit it.

No love,
Emily

PS.
Keep it up and my system may become so shocked that I'll start wearing cardigans like this. So I mean, if you want this to happen...the sartorialist-paul smith, london
???

the year of me

Yesterday I turned 24.

For some reason, 24 seems way older than 23. It's the year before 25, which is when things really start getting serious. So it's like 24 isn't a really big deal but it's definitely time to quit messing around.

I spent the majority of yesterday traveling because we were in Maine to celebrate my cousin's wedding on Saturday. I have serious things to say about Maine, which will be recounted in its own separate set of thoughts especially after I'm able to steal away pictures from Mr. Ames's phone, but this gives you the gist of what we enjoyed for four days:
Mostly I spent a lot of time eating things that are probably not high on the WW Approved list, namely:
1. Chips
2. Candy
3. Wendy's
4. Donuts
5. Ice cream
6. Oreos
7. Thai food
8. Homemade macaroni and cheese (with seconds)
9. Cornbread (with thirds)
10. French fries
11. Fried clams

To my credit, I only had a few bites of wedding cake so I only managed to fake-gain 8 pounds by the time I came home yesterday. It's always one step forward two steps back for me, but I'm determined to strap myself to the band wagon today, this first full day of 24, and I'm not turning back. 24 is in control where 23 failed to be. 130-in-24 is my new mantra.

Also, I'm wearing the dress I wore at the wedding, and it's belted. My hair is down and done, and I'm wearing scarlet lipstick. These are so many big steps for me, you have no idea. But I'm 24, so it's time to stop joking! Time to start living! Time to start wearing clothes like I meant to put them on this morning!

I'm getting those Oxfords this weekend, ps.

And now that I'm kind of used to being a grown up, I'm also going to use this year of 24 to prepare for 25 and beyond. I intend to have a clean house with the bed made and all the clothes put away and without dishes stacking up for days.

I intend to read books-- a variety of books-- and stop being a nonfictional snob. I'm still working on In the Devil's Snare about the Salem Witch Trials [sidenote: the authoress is my distant cousin, and she makes an assertion that the little girls weren't faking it (at least at first), and that the older girls weren't really either because they were probably suffering from some form of post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of living through the Indian Wars in the Southern Maine region. WHAT THE WHAT!], and I started The Hunger Games yesterday, which is teaching me to not be a snob because even though this writing-for-young-adults thing isn't my favorite, it's a pretty cool/weird story so far. Then I'm going to read Tale of Two Cities again. I stopped reading voraciously for a while. In 24 I will resume voraciously.

In 23 I had this bright idea to start studying French again. 24 will cultivate that idea. Follow-through.

In 24, I already feel a lot of the bittersweetness of theatre melting away. I'm moving in new directions and can't be brought down. I'm meaningful, I am filled with self-worth, I won't be jealous.

Maine reminded me about how much I love my family and about my ancestors. 24 will really plug away at that family history project that I started in 21 with my great-grandmother and -granfather's love letters. I want to know more details about my New Englander roots. I want to find out about the interesting little branches here and there that join the "main" lines of my ancestry. People are cool. The people I come from a really cool. I hope somewhere in Heaven they think that I'm turning out pretty cool to honor their coolness.

In 24, I want to write. I want to write a lot. And perform. And research. And SING! And take pictures. And become unresentful. I got really crabby toward the middle and end of 23, and kind of anxious all the time and panicky. I hated that feeling. Ending 23 in Maine with my family, in the fall, holding hands with Mr. Ames made me all relaxed and remember about how life is too short to be so worked up all the time. We were able to spend a few hours in Portland yesterday, right there on the warf with the seagulls and the fried clams, and my mom bought me this perfect little ring at a really neat store called Abacus--

Maybe it's silly, but 24 needs a Forget Me Knot ring to remember that being happy is so much better than being unhappy. It's so much better to wear lipstick and feel bold and pretty than to slink around with a sneer. It's okay to get headaches sometimes because there's something wrong with my sinuses, but it's not okay to get headaches because of frustration and self-imposed stress. 24 needs to forget ME not.

Mom also got us this perfect Brian Andreas print that made my breath catch in me when we saw it (which is how you know it's The Perfect Brian Andreas Print for you)--
--because that's what my whole life needs to be about.

And it's starting in 24.

hateful wardrobe

Do you ever have those days where you're just fitful about things and you feel kind of in a creative slump? My creatively slumpy feelings tend to manifest themselves by being overcome with a sort of fitful rage against my wardrobe and appearance. It may have something to do with the fact that I'm starting to feel like I can wear clothes I felt like I couldn't wear before (remember that thing about wearing size 6 jeans what whaaaaaat!), so I want to embrace every single one of the slimly-cut blouses and dresses at Urban Outfitters and start wearing Oxford shoes. I also want to start wearing lipstick.

Mostly, fitfulness tends to translate into extreme malcontentedness with my hair, which remains unresolved in spite of my recent public resolution to just cut it off again. I tend to go short then long then real short then real long then medium then short, etc. etc. Maybe it's lucky I have a thyroid disease which makes my hair grow really fast so I can continue to change my mind so frequently. I also remain unresolved about the color issue, though let's be real-- I'm never going to get the gumption to stray too far from dark brown/brown/dark auburn.

The problem is that I don't feel like I have very much in my current-- and, admittedly, extensive-- wardrobe that would coordinate with things like Oxford shoes and certainly not lipstick. I also have this problem where I, at 10:30 each night, pump myself up to wake up the next morning in ample time to actually get ready and do my hair and wear enough makeup that I could half-convincingly wear lipstick and clothes that are more exciting than they are conservative, but then I'm just so sleepy that I roll out of bed 45 minutes late and I wind up in a boyfriend t-shirt and cardigan with my hair in a boring messy-bun on the back of my neck and a swipe of mascara that seems to ask "Why did I bother?"

Like right now.

Except the hair keeps switching between messy-down and messy-bun because I am, as ever, malcontented and fitful with it and desperately need a haircut of some kind.

I have a process by which I'm going to try to improve and become more happy with what I wear. For example, I've identified the fact that I'm obsessed with classsic, vintage-inspired, pretty things. Perhaps I can (read: should have) improve(d) this boring boyfriend t-shirt with an interesting necklace and/or pair of earrings.

Also, sacrificing that 45 minutes in the morning to do my hair would pull my head together enough to necessitate putting on makeup, which would encourage applying lipstick, which would give the illusion of being pulled together generally speaking, regardless of what I'm wearing.

Have the courage to wear those boots that I own.

And pull out the scarves again.

And it's almost legitimately fall, which means I'll start layering again, which always makes me feel a billion times better.

See, self? No need to go crazy with the wardrobe overhaul! The basic idea is that I just need to learn to do my hair and accessorize better!

So in other words, I can just go crazy with a jewelry overhaul. Perfect.


In other news, in spite of the fact that I ate A LOT of food this weekend (like, I mean a LOT), I've managed to lose 0.8oz since Friday. Perhaps this is positive as we head into my birthday/cousin's wedding weekend, which I will be celebrating by spending the next five days here:


See you on the East Coast, suckers!

inspiration

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

I know I was pretending like I was going to grow my hair out "for realsies this time."

Who am I kidding?

Here we go again.

Snip snip!

taco diet

It's no secret that I love food. My food hobby is the reason I am trying to lose 40 lbs. It's also the reason why I lost 17 pretty ok and I'm now struggling to get over the -20 hump.

Good News: I bought myself a pair of jeans in a size 6 this week and medium shirts are fitting me the way they're supposed to (in other words, not skin-tightly).

Bad News: I can't seem to drop below 154.6. I'm determined to, but just can't seem to manage.

You'd think this would have something to do with my insatiable craving for tacos.

Best News of My Life: You're wrong about the tacos being bad for my waist.

The trick is to order everything off the Fresco menu at Taco Bell. They're essentially the exact same items as the not-Fresco menu, but instead of cheese, they have a delicious fresh salsa on top. 1 Fresco Crunchy Taco = 3 WW points. COULD IT POSSIBLY GET BETTER?

I mean, you do have to watch out. Because I get it-- those Taco BellGrande nachos are the most delicious ever. At 18 points per serving, they had better be delicious. But seriously, the Fresco menu has changed my life, since everything on the menu is like 8 points or fewer. Usually fewer. Especially if you spring for the expensive chicken or steak filling instead of beef.

And they say that spicy food gets your metabolism juiced. Bonus.

The bottom line is that I think I basically plan to eat frozen dinners, Haribo Raspberries, Baked Lay's chips, and tacos for the rest of my weight loss.

I'll see you at Fourth Meal, everybody.

my wedding is famous

When I asked my friend Heidi to make my wedding dress, she took my mom and me up to the cutest, COOLEST fabric store called Yellow Bird Fabrics. They have the most beautiful selection and were so helpful, so in honor of our first anniversary, I sent them a few photos of the wedding to show them the results.

And then she featured the photos on the blog!

I feel so famous.

life and living

It's nice to stay up late, knowing there's no reason to get up in the morning. I mean, of course there are cosmic reasons to get up in the morning, but I'm not working and Mr. Ames has to work all the day long and I'd go get that pass to the Rec Center but I think it's closed for the holiday and mostly I've just got piles of clothes lying around to be sorted, so in essence, there's no reason to get up on the morning.

What a weird, exhausting, reflective week. My little Grammy Green passed away Monday, so Sister and I flew to Buffalo on Tuesday for her memorial service on Wednesday, then came home with the whole fam Wednesday evening.
I was so glad to be there and even though it was very sad, it was also very happy. I like to celebrate the lives of people, especially people I love. I love this little lady very much. I'm glad she's in a place where she's happy and funny and strong again.

I saw a few relatives this week whom I haven't seen in upwards of ten years. Let's be real-- the difference between a 13-year old and an almost-24-year old is stark. I felt like I was completely getting to know them again. It made me sentimental for the proverbial Good Ol' Days.

We watched a home movie tonight which chronicled my 10th birthday-- my last one in Michigan, with lots of silliness with old friends at my birthday party, most of whom I've completely lost contact with. It was just a few months before we moved to New York, and my sister gave me a window hanging with some pansies from my mom's garden. In the video, I completely melted into a puddle about it. I guess it's nice to know I've always been sentimental? Validating somehow? I also found a handful of old pictures on my computer as I was searching for pictures of my Grammy, and in them are all these people who were so important to me at the time. In many cases now, we don't keep in touch. In spite of it, they're still important to me and I'm proud of our Once Upon a Time friendships. Do they remember me with a similar prick in their hearts? I think of where I've been since that 10th birthday, eating pizza with girls I met in kindergarten in the home where I have some of my fondest memories, and it makes me wonder what will be important to me when I face My Time at the end of my life.

What moments will I remember and cherish most?

What will I have (and have already) forgotten? Does it matter that I've forgotten them?

What does it mean to live a full life? Who determines it's full-ness?

I think I just want to be happy. Accepting the fact that life is transient, and that's okay, I just want to be happy. I'd like to be remembered for being happy. I'm going to try harder to be happy. And happy is as happy does.