the year of me

Yesterday I turned 24.

For some reason, 24 seems way older than 23. It's the year before 25, which is when things really start getting serious. So it's like 24 isn't a really big deal but it's definitely time to quit messing around.

I spent the majority of yesterday traveling because we were in Maine to celebrate my cousin's wedding on Saturday. I have serious things to say about Maine, which will be recounted in its own separate set of thoughts especially after I'm able to steal away pictures from Mr. Ames's phone, but this gives you the gist of what we enjoyed for four days:
Mostly I spent a lot of time eating things that are probably not high on the WW Approved list, namely:
1. Chips
2. Candy
3. Wendy's
4. Donuts
5. Ice cream
6. Oreos
7. Thai food
8. Homemade macaroni and cheese (with seconds)
9. Cornbread (with thirds)
10. French fries
11. Fried clams

To my credit, I only had a few bites of wedding cake so I only managed to fake-gain 8 pounds by the time I came home yesterday. It's always one step forward two steps back for me, but I'm determined to strap myself to the band wagon today, this first full day of 24, and I'm not turning back. 24 is in control where 23 failed to be. 130-in-24 is my new mantra.

Also, I'm wearing the dress I wore at the wedding, and it's belted. My hair is down and done, and I'm wearing scarlet lipstick. These are so many big steps for me, you have no idea. But I'm 24, so it's time to stop joking! Time to start living! Time to start wearing clothes like I meant to put them on this morning!

I'm getting those Oxfords this weekend, ps.

And now that I'm kind of used to being a grown up, I'm also going to use this year of 24 to prepare for 25 and beyond. I intend to have a clean house with the bed made and all the clothes put away and without dishes stacking up for days.

I intend to read books-- a variety of books-- and stop being a nonfictional snob. I'm still working on In the Devil's Snare about the Salem Witch Trials [sidenote: the authoress is my distant cousin, and she makes an assertion that the little girls weren't faking it (at least at first), and that the older girls weren't really either because they were probably suffering from some form of post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of living through the Indian Wars in the Southern Maine region. WHAT THE WHAT!], and I started The Hunger Games yesterday, which is teaching me to not be a snob because even though this writing-for-young-adults thing isn't my favorite, it's a pretty cool/weird story so far. Then I'm going to read Tale of Two Cities again. I stopped reading voraciously for a while. In 24 I will resume voraciously.

In 23 I had this bright idea to start studying French again. 24 will cultivate that idea. Follow-through.

In 24, I already feel a lot of the bittersweetness of theatre melting away. I'm moving in new directions and can't be brought down. I'm meaningful, I am filled with self-worth, I won't be jealous.

Maine reminded me about how much I love my family and about my ancestors. 24 will really plug away at that family history project that I started in 21 with my great-grandmother and -granfather's love letters. I want to know more details about my New Englander roots. I want to find out about the interesting little branches here and there that join the "main" lines of my ancestry. People are cool. The people I come from a really cool. I hope somewhere in Heaven they think that I'm turning out pretty cool to honor their coolness.

In 24, I want to write. I want to write a lot. And perform. And research. And SING! And take pictures. And become unresentful. I got really crabby toward the middle and end of 23, and kind of anxious all the time and panicky. I hated that feeling. Ending 23 in Maine with my family, in the fall, holding hands with Mr. Ames made me all relaxed and remember about how life is too short to be so worked up all the time. We were able to spend a few hours in Portland yesterday, right there on the warf with the seagulls and the fried clams, and my mom bought me this perfect little ring at a really neat store called Abacus--

Maybe it's silly, but 24 needs a Forget Me Knot ring to remember that being happy is so much better than being unhappy. It's so much better to wear lipstick and feel bold and pretty than to slink around with a sneer. It's okay to get headaches sometimes because there's something wrong with my sinuses, but it's not okay to get headaches because of frustration and self-imposed stress. 24 needs to forget ME not.

Mom also got us this perfect Brian Andreas print that made my breath catch in me when we saw it (which is how you know it's The Perfect Brian Andreas Print for you)--
--because that's what my whole life needs to be about.

And it's starting in 24.