midsectionally fixated

Last night, as we were leaving Bangkok Grill with leftovers of yellow curry and pad thai in our hands (having finished off all the tom ka gai), and having already inhaled a bowl of roasted red pepper lobster soup and a turkey artichoke sandwich earlier in the day, it occurred to me:

My only serious hobby in life is food.

Now don't be fooled-- I lead a very well-rounded life. But I don't necessarily consider many of my interests "hobbies." I'm hoping the acting thing will pan out into an actual career. I want to publish articles and books, and I'm already being paid to edit things sometimes. TV watching is my second job. That said, the only area where I spend money to pursue my interest is in food (particularly/exclusively at restaurants), which makes it my only serious hobby.
I love food. I love eating it. I love the people with whom I eat food. I love not having to cook. I love the ambiance in a restaurant. I love unlimited free refills of Diet Coke.

And I'm not so much a snob about food. I love food of all kinds. I'm practically addicted to Wendy's Homestyle Chicken Go-Wraps, and the Diet Coke on tap at Wendy's is especially fine. Mr. Ames and I are fond of the specials at Taco Bell-- we especially buy into that Fourth Meal thing late at night. Have you tried the 5-layer burrito? Seriously artery clogging and seriously delicious. I also love the Target food court, which is essentially a glorified Pizza Hut. Nothing but the best, guys.

I'm pretty sure there isn't an Asian food I don't like, which is good, given the number of Asian places around here-- Bangkok Grill, Shoga, Shoots, Great China, Sushi Ya, Asuka, Thai Evergreen, etc. etc. etc. I love the Applebees appetizer sampler (in spite of how it makes my stomach gurgle afterward). Club sandwiches. Wonderful, dependable club sandwiches.

But the problem is, by concentrating so intently on food and the society of food and food consumption, I'm also concentrating intently on the size of my gut. And as much as food is a hobby, exercise is most certainly not. Gratefully, I've been blessed with the kind of metabolism that keeps me pretty stable. While I don't lose weight very fast/easily, I also don't gain it, in spite of my propensity for sitting on the couch and watching TV for hours, during which time I manage to finish off a box of Big Cheez-Its, a can of Pringles (at least those are reduced fat), and a liter of Diet Coke. And maybe slam a few Tim Tams. I just kind of plateau at a nice, comfortable, dependable weight, which is apparently so comparable to the national average that it is nearly impossible to buy pants in my size since they are always snapped up by some other size 8/10.

That said, I think it's time to make some positive changes in my health. I'm cozy being my size (usually) and it (usually/sometimes) doesn't interfere with my castability in the roles I pursue, but it's more a matter of getting into shape. Given my height and my age, I am slightly over a "healthy" weight range (despite that bit about being the national average). And let's be honest-- Hollywood and Broadway tend to be thin for a reason. To this end, I am going to play a game this summer and crown myself:
I have been making public announcements for YEARS indicating that I am going to lose such and such amount of weight, or that I'm going to drop this many pants sizes, and I've never come through. Mostly my lack of success has been a direct result of a lack of motivation (read: I never really start so there's no reason to quit eating those In-N-Out burgers, is there?)

Sure, I know I should drink water instead of Diet Coke. I've even got all those Crystal Light Go-Packs in my office drawer since I know exactly how to "trick" myself into doing it. I also know my patterns-- I snack when I'm bored, or to distract myself, or to comfort myself, or just because I have nothing else to do. I also eat at meal times, whether or not I'm actually hungry, because, well, it's about 6pm so it's time to eat, right?

So it's my plan to lose 20 lbs by the end of August. 20 lbs in four months = 5 lbs per month. I don't know-- I know I'm not very savvy on this kind of thing, but it doesn't seem to me that 5 lbs/month would require that much change. Cut back, start exercising, and let my clothes start fitting me better.

Hopefully "going public" will keep me honest. I'm going to add these little avatars to my sidebar to track my progress, and I'm probably going to add one of those annoying countdown things, too. I know, I know, looking at these cute little virtual models (complete with skinny jeans), there doesn't seem to be much difference between them. That's the beauty of it. This is doable, self. SO DO IT!

Me now = 171 lbs VERSUS Me as the Biggest Loser = 140 lbs

I hope this will turn out to be The Summer of Emily. I'm going to get in shape, and lose 20 lbs, and direct a summer camp, and find time to go outside so I don't remain pasty all summer, and then I will dye my hair a caramel-almond color like Emily Vancamp in season three of Brothers & Sisters.To conclude the Summer of ME, I hope to be cast in a role where I might be able to wear a wig like this and a dress like this and do a dance with little twinsie bakers like this (which show I won't jinx by naming but 10 points if you know it):And all this self-actualizing will begin by winning The Biggest Loser against myself. So there.

Who's with me?

learning to be awesome

"Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else."

--Judy Garland

There's a hint of irony in that quote of Judy's, considering that, of all people, I kind of aspire to be her. I mean, sans the drugs and the overdose and the multiple husbands and the weight fluctuation (caused in part by the drugs and, no doubt, the multiple husbands).

So I went to this little gathering last night at the theater where I used to work. Remember how a few posts back I mentioned-- definitely preemptively-- that Mr. Ames and I auditioned to be cast in that production of 110 in the Shade, starring Audra McDonald? Well, I wasn't cast.

See how candid I can be? I wasn't cast. Due to creative differences and subjectivity and, frankly, the nature of theatre politics, it was an opportunity that didn't come through for me.

That said, the little gathering I attended last night was centered around one Ms. Audra McDonald, who was in town today for a whirlwind of interviews, press meetings, and costume fittings. For a few minutes before she was whisked away to a performance in California tomorrow, she graciously sat down with a small group of invited guests, and basically just answered questions, very a la Inside the Actor's Studio. Then she was also introduced to her future castmates in the audience, which was mildly awkward for me, though I was glad for those who were able to introduce themselves.

First, I must mention how delightful a woman she is. She doesn't possess a note (ha) of condescension. I aspire to be half as genuine and gracious as she.

Moreover, I was impressed with her sense of professionalism, and recognition of other talent in the room. I didn't get the idea that she was sitting there on her high horse, with her four Tony awards and successful prime time television show and concert appearances all over the nation. There was a very real sense of respect for the people in the room, what they-- what I-- am capable of, and how grateful she is for her success.

I've been very concerned lately about My Place In This World. Who isn't? I'm playing that game as hard as anyone-- hoping for a little break here and there, dreaming of Making It Big and Being Someone. To that end, I've had a few hard and perhaps harsh realities thrown at me in the last year, and sitting there tonight, I honestly don't know that I've ever felt so out of place in my life. I'll be the first to say I was over-personalizing things, but in a real way-- that was real to me at least-- all that hurt of feeling overlooked or under-appreciated or getting the short end of the politics stick... Everything came flooding over me. And I hated it. I hated it so much I can hardly start to describe it.

But frankly, as cliche as it sounds, aside from spending the evening with a true role model, who has already made it and is above the game of it all, I discovered something about myself:

I can do this.

Although I've been told no in the last year, I've also had a few extraordinary opportunities where someone has said yes. In some cases, they've even said hell yes. And you know, I was even asked please. So you know what else I discovered, and then resolved harder than ever?

I will do this.

I'm in Orem, Utah, for goodness sake. To get that short end at one little theater, or even a few little theatres-- what does that even mean? As long as I'm finding opportunity elsewhere, it doesn't really mean anything. Sure, it would be nice to be on the "right" side of the politics game. Who doesn't like to be on that side of it? But while they are perhaps fewer and farther between than others who maybe don't have to work so hard to prove themselves at this point, the validation and success I'm having are getting validated-ier and success-ier with every step. I do not disregard the hard work and the raw/trained skills of the veritable crowd around me. If anything, I appreciate it, more and more. But I'm starting to be grateful for the gritty, painful path I am taking, because it means more to me. To push through it and achieve something for myself will make me appreciate it more. I will deserve it more, for myself, when I get there.

I've spent so much time comparing myself to other people. It's one thing to dream of being like Madeline Kahn or Megan Mullally or even Judy herself, but why have I been so wrapped up in being like the people around me? If I try to be "as good as her" or "as thin as her" or try to "suck up like they do," I'm discrediting myself a lot. Why can't I be the kind of person someone else is trying to emulate on a local, personal level? I can offer things no one else can. And that's pretty okay.

I've also been able to take a step back and really decide the kind of person I want to be in this business. I feel like there are all these chatty, hypocritical, ridiculous snobs around who, in all honesty, may have more natural talent than I do. Many of them are thinner than me, and have a wider, more solid vocal range, and have a resume of leading roles a mile long. But if I'd so much rather be a good person with a shorter resume who has to prove a little more that I can be shiny and carry (or help to carry) a show-- well, I think I'm okay about that.

Audra said one thing that was especially meaningful to me-- "Do not say no to yourself. If you want to play a role, do not be the one to stop yourself. There will be plenty of other people who will do that for you." She's right, dammit. I'm capable of a lot more than people give me credit for. Maybe I'm not trained yet, or have enough experience yet, but the things I'm going to accomplish are so much bigger than letting my feelings get hurt by people who tell me no, especially when others do tell me yes.

So I'm not saying that I'm going to win a Tony someday, and I certainly don't plan on winning four of them, but I'm going to be a big deal somehow, okay?

And I'll do a swag giveaway on my blog.

Win win win.

i threw a party & nobody came

This was me last night:

A veritable Michael Scott, all alone at a party I tried to host for approximately 2,500 people-- only instead of cosmopolitans we had a vat of ranch dressing, and instead of techno dance music we had a yodeling sock puppet named Charlie.

. . . maybe I just figured out why no one came.

But the truth is that I've been working for weeks and weeks to put together an evening at our theatre to do a tap dance for educators, administrators, parents and students in the valley, promoting our educational outreach programs are worth consideration. Attendance at theatrical productions provides a well-rounded education for students of all ages, instills an appreciation for the arts, and not only enriches classroom curriculum, but directly fulfills state curriculum standards.

Can you tell I've been emailing and making phone calls about this for a while? And here I thought I sounded pretty convincing.

I mean, I get that people are busy, and I know some of my emails bounced. But the fact is: I had 25 people RSVP to me personally about this, and another 40 "confirmed guests" on the Facebook group. Taking into consideration the nature of Facebook confirmations, can someone explain to me how an estimated 30-40 guests dwindled into FOUR?

Yes, everyone. I invited 2,500 people to my party and 4 people came.

F-O-U-R.

It's funny how teachers are always so frustrated with flaky students who procrastinate and don't come to class on time-- classes they good money for, which the teacher has spent hours preparing.

Funny, right? HILARIOUS, RIGHT? And my event, complete with interesting workshop classes prepared, was free. Wouldn't have even cost those teachers/administrators/parents/students a single dime.

And the worst part is, it was a great evening! Between the other presenters and a handful of students from the department who were actually interested, it was a lovely event with a lot of interesting presentations about the 2010-2011 season, and lots of interesting ties to curriculum for all ages. I mean, we're even playing to the French speaking crowd by performing a new French farce performed in French. We're producing She Stoops to Conquer, guys. When was the last time a Restoration comedy was performed at a theatre near you, which you could take your AP English students to see? And with the study guides we prepare that include interesting articles, notes from production staff, crossword puzzles and other games, and links to curriculum, we do all the work for you!

And there was a yodeling sock puppet named Charlie puppeted by an internationally recognized puppeteer/ventriloquist/Elvis impersonator (this is not a lie). I tell you, the only thing that could possibly make it better is $200 worth of cheese and crackers, vegetables, fruit, and a mixed candy bowl.

Which was provided!!!

I wouldn't have expected much if we hadn't have had a successful season this past year. Between our school matinees selling well and the seemingly committed responses I received to my invitation to this year's event, there didn't seem to be much indication that it would fall so embarrassingly flat.

So I guess I should just stick to cool wedding receptions and attempting to channel parties featured in movies. People actually come to those. Maybe I could try to slap a theme onto the next one of these events I try to throw-- make it a costume party or whatever.

Problem solved?



I must acknowledge the lovely representatives from the department and students who helped put the night together, who support our programs and me. Means a lot. Doesn't go unrecognized.

haters, back off

Well guys, on top of a less than awesome review this week about my performance in the play I'm in, I also got my first bit of hate mail! Or a hate comment, rather.

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog about straws and how, by avoiding the use of them, I could save the world by myself. This morning, I got a notification that there was a new, anonymous comment saying:

stop being so stupid.

No caps, and anonymous! To Anonymous's credit, however, I must laud the alliteration. Very effective.

Lest you think I'm disappointed by this, I'm anything but. I mean, I'm definitely unused to being called "stupid"-- I don't think I am particularly, though I guess I'll leave that up to public opinion-- but do you know what this means?

I've been legitimized as a blogger.

High fives, guys. And I hope Anonymous doesn't remain anonymous because I'm pretty excited by this.

I know I've been kind of absent lately, but I'm sure genius will flow again when the show is over. Hopefully my next few entries won't be so stupid.

:)

for real

I know I'm interested in getting into a business (or multiple businesses-- let's be honest, people love/hate writers too) that is entirely based on opinion. Casting is subjective. Reviews are subjective, even when they should be objective.

But even when you don't know some girl who wrote a few lines about you on a blog that's not even gained hyper-noteriety yet, when she reiterates multiple times that you "lack depth" and discusses your "lack of acting ability,"

IT SUCKS.

tips

So I have this cool and interesting job, which is cool and interesting because my position is on the "in" but not "in" enough that I really matter too much. I'm also the same age as many who are actually students in the department, to the point where a lot of students don't even know I actually have a degree and am actually qualified to be in this position. It's also cool and interesting because I'm in the process of figuring out how to hire a whole troop of students to work at the youth summer camp I'm helping to direct-- even though I'm the same age as they.

If you're a person who wants to excel in theatre, and/or you're interested in working for a shiny new summer camp this year, here are some really great ways to make a good impression:


1. Talk about each other-- all the time.
It's my favorite thing in the world to be included in all the ins and outs of your dysfunctional and back-stabby relationships. I love it. I thrive on it. I want to know about every single bit of who said what about whom. I've already graduated! I'm out of all le drama, guys! I need more of it. And there's a difference between talking about a situation because it's a reality versus a situation that is super dramatic and awesome to whisper about. I like the whispering one. Keep it coming. It doesn't stress me out at all.

2. Talk about me-- especially each other.
Since no one ever talks to me about who said what about whom, it never gets back to me that people are including me in dramatics that may or may not be even made up. My life is so boring, everyone. I don't have any friends in the department and they never treat me the way a friend should, so PLEASE TALK ABOUT ME MORE MORE MORE, KAY? Words are never put in my mouth, and things I say are never selectively interpreted. Ever. It's the worst. And the most boring for real.

3. Also talk about my coworkers-- especially publicly.
We are all humans, which makes it super okay to say awful things about authority or mentor figures.

4. Ask me as many leading questions as you want-- all the time.
I know everything, guys. All details are set in stone, all the faculty talk to me about their most intimately detailed struggles, I know exactly the right audition piece that will get you cast, I'm BFF with directors, and I have a huge fat say in every decision around here. And with the minor things (that are actually, unsarcastically in my control), I totally need more input. I don't even know you're interested in this job. I couldn't even tell by how frequently you bring it up and ask me the same question that I still don't have an answer to! Sometimes, I play a really fun game that's totally amusing to myself, where I know the answers to it all, and just don't tell anyone. That's the most favorite.

4. Drop hints-- the more, the better!
See #3. Because I have no idea how much this means to you-- this information, or this know-how, or this job, or this whatever. None. Tiptoe around it some more, why don't ya!

6. Ask me for favors.
I'm a pretty nice person, so I like doing nice things for people, but if you start to ask for a favor by disclaiming, "If you're too busy to do this" or "If this is inappropriate to ask," you maybe should omit the disclaimer and just ask for it straight up. I know curiosity is just burning, and you'd probably go straight to the source (which source is more important and better educated and higher on the totem pole than me) except that it's way more convenient and appropriate to ask me about it, so what's stopping ya? Also, my office is super public, and my computer doesn't require a password to log on. A one-time thing is sure to become a whenever thing if you ask enough.

7. Tell everyone that I have already guaranteed a position for you. Go on and do it!
Considering all positions in relation to the summer camp, including my own, are based 100% entirely on the number of children who register, I've made you the exception in telling you that you will be working this summer regardless! It would be best to tell everyone about it, especially my husband. It also makes me super inclined to schedule you for all shifts every single day all month. If you talk long and hard enough, I might just offer you my position!




In conclusion, I am not a student. I got a degree so that I wouldn't have to be a student anymore. Unless we're in a social setting being social and friendly, please do not treat me with the same disrespect that you treat each other in the academic setting.

To those who are aware of the distinction of different hats and when I wear them, thank you. You know who you are. And I appreciate the different hats you need to wear too.

To those who are wondering if this post is about them, don't flatter yourself-- though I might suggest some self-reflection might not be a bad idea. A self-induced guilt trip might indicate the recognition of some behavioral patterns you might want to identify.

To those who are not even students in this department but are looking for a job, go ahead and apply. For that matter, consider yourself already hired.

the necessity of straws

I heard on the radio recently that a "quick and easy" way to go green is to refrain from using a straw when you have a drink. It, like, saves plastic and decreases refuse and costs the company less money to make, etc. etc.

Well my first thought was somewhat of a startling ah-ha! moment and I thought, Good grief-- I could save the whole freakin' planet if I quit using straws. This is because I drink a lot of Diet Coke, as referenced recently here, here, and especially here. The truth is that I use upwards of three, four, five straws a day. I also use three, four, five, ten cups/bottles/cans a day. I could make a serious dent in waste management if I kept this under control.

The problem is this: I hate drinking soda from a cup without a straw. I hate it the most. I like me some Diet Coke straight from the can, and a plastic bottle will do okay, but I hate drinking soda from a cup without a straw. Hate it.

This evening, I stopped at McDonald's and spent $1.08 on a large Diet Coke (light ice) and in my eagerness to slurp it down, I sped off (not really, parents, I don't speed) without realizing the girl at the drive-thru window didn't give me a straw. Of course I couldn't drink it while driving! When I got to school, waiting in my car for Mr. Ames to be finished with his show, I literally sat staring at the cup in my cup holder, positively dazed. I finally managed to take off the lid and I took a hesitant sip.

You guys, it tastes different without a straw. It literally does not taste the same. Not to mention it's all chilly and hurts my teeth so I can't just sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp. Those 32oz suckers are usually gone within a half hour-- just sucked right up through that straw in a half hour!

I didn't even finish those 32oz last night. I could not even finish, not even in the three hours I had that cup sitting in my cup holder on my desk on my kitchen table next to my bed. Couldn't even do it.

AH-HA! moment: Since I'd like to cut down the Diet Coke consumption, apparently the best way to do it would be to forget that straws even exist.

No straw = no desire to drink it = my stomach shrinks = my pants fit better.

Now there's an idea.