not such a bad day

So I went to HCTO to try on costumes for an Archive Costumes photoshoot tomorrow.

Things I learned
1. I should always wear vintage clothes from 1960-1975...
2. ...especially if said vintage clothes are quilted...
3. ...or involve any velvet pattern...
4. ...and are rompers.
5. I'M SKINNY.

Okay, it's relative, but guys-- seriously almost every thing I tried on not only fit, but looked awesome.

Then I went to Costco and ate a hot dog.

In other news, the Universe is collapsing upon me, but those are all stories for another day. Well, I'll tell you a quick one right now about how the battery in our car died last night, so we had Farmer's Roadside Assistance come help us jump it in case they would have to tow it, and after two attempts, it finally jumped, and then I was instructed to wait around for a half hour letting it run, but instead I took it straight to Pep Boys and it's a good thing I did because the car FAILED literally as I was pulling into the parking space and shifting into park. Phew! Got the battery changed, at least. But it's just an example.

Dear Universe,
I want to be friends, and I think you want to be friends too since after all this, there was that nice little slice of time in the fitting room where everything fit on my body. Even though things are going wrong, thank you for sucking in my waistline.
Love, Emily

question

Are you allowed to buy "school clothes" in the fall, even if you're not going to school?

Does it help if you work at a school, even if you're not going to classes?

What if by "school clothes" I mean something like "this dress?"
1. I love clothes.
2. I love shopping.
3. I love shopping for clothes.
4. I love fall.
5. I love fall clothes.

Ergo,

6. I love shopping for fall clothes.

367 days

In my recently disgruntled state, I failed to make a suitably sloppy post about my first wedding anniversary and What My Marriage Means to Me. Rather than get all gross, here are some pictures that I hope will adequately reflect upon August 21, 2009.

I love you, Mr. Ames!

fail!

Things I did this week:
1. Dyed my hair almost-black brown.
2. Closed Big River tonight.
3. Started reading a fascinating book about the Salem witchcraft trials.
4. Watched 30 Rock.
5. WEIGHED IN EIGHT (8) POUNDS HEAVIER THAN LAST FRIDAY.

Last Week: This Week:


I guess this means we're seriously back to jumping on that bandwagon.

Yeesh.

boring

Fact: I've become the most boring person on the planet.

How I Know I'm The Most Boring
1. I bum around a lot.
2. I don't really ever get ready in the morning.
3. My daily schedule leaves little room for spontaneity.
4. I blog about weight and ambition and crocheting.
5. Meanwhile, I've stopped losing weight and don't have an outlet for ambition.
6. I do a lot of crocheting. Like, a lot.
7. I order yarn online.
8. The most important debate in my life lately has been trying to decide what color to dye my hair.

Luckily, things do get spiced up a little when Robert Redford and Ralph Lauren show up to see Big River at Sundance. I mean, that is pretty neat. And it actually happened. Though of course I didn't see or speak to either of them, which returns me to my Most Boring status.

I had hoped my summer hobbies were going to be pilates, crocheting, and having cool hair. Well, here's my big confession involving pilates: I basically dove off the bandwagon. There's no pretense about falling off it-- I mean, it was one running-leap-swandive off the back of that bandwagon. Luckily I haven't been gaining so much as I've just been maintaining for the last month, but yesterday was the first time I actually did pilates in about 4.5 weeks. So much for that hobby.

And the cool hair business? Well that's still all up in the air. The red hair is appealing, but probably won't happen. I need a new cut like WHOA. I had half a mind to go blondeish a la Drew Barrymore in Music & Lyrics, but then I remembered how much I like having it very super almost-but-not-black dark. Since I can't cut it for a few days, I'm determined to get all the products to dye it dark this very day because it is so very painful to hate your hair.

At least the crocheting bit has had some follow-through. I've finished two afghans, I'm about to finish another baby blanket, I'm working on another baby blanket, and I'm waiting for my yarn order to come in the mail so I can start another afghan and another (you guessed it) baby blanket. All this successful, crafty industry is due in large part to the fact that I have about five hours every night to sit and hook while I wait for my cues to press PLAY on the music. But let's be real-- I'd be sitting at home in front of the television every night crocheting, not doing pilates, and hating my hair if I weren't doing Big River, so I guess I may have been just as industrious. Go figure.

So what have I become this summer? A lazy old woman with gross hair.

Who is also boring.

Two people un-followed my blog this morning. After this informative post, I wouldn't blame anyone else for doing quite the same!

i made this with my hands

Remember how I started crocheting this blanket a few weeks ago, and it was meant to turn out like this?Well I finished! And it doesn't look exactly the same... In that, I realized about halfway through what I was doing incorrectly to make the squares all bubbly instead of flat, but since I was so far on my way to making all 56 of them, I decided the texture was cool and went with it.

And here it is!

It was a more difficult project than I perhaps should have started with, but as I've learned a lot lately this summer, go big or go home. I'm not one for going home (in the proverbial sense).

I'm sending it off to my sweet little wheelchair-bound grandmother this afternoon, who will hopefully find it cheerful and keep her toes nice and warm.

This has nothing to do with crocheting, except that Ames supports me in my silliness. He is cute.

ambition and mouse poop

I'm working at Sundance Theater this summer after all. It's true that I wasn't actually cast in the show-- for the first time since I "assistant directed" Macbeth in high school, I'm working behind the scenes as the sound board operator. It's kind of legit. I mean, aside from the fact that I'm not getting paid and I don't get any comp tickets, I do get to press PLAY for 86 music cues and 19 sound effects while wearing a headset.

Also, the booth smells like mouse poop. It got pretty bad last night. All we're missing is a bed of cedar chips and a few of those CGI hamsters from the Kia car commercials for us to be little rodents in a cage. I even saw one of those mice run across the floor the other night. His name is Mickey. But oddly, being in the mountains with the smell of mouse poop (especially on humid nights (like last night)) has offered me a lot of clarity, especially in the last week.

These are some hard truths I've faced in the last few weeks:
- My job makes me feel awkward and it is very hard for me to be a grown-up working stiff.

- My weight loss intentions have slipped and while I haven't really gained, I'm not losing either. I've lost the motivation for it.

- Mr. Ames is supremely talented. He will be playing Robert in The Drowsy Chaperone this fall.

- This pushing PLAY business is the only theater gig I've landed this summer. I was not cast in The Drowsy Chaperone.

It has seemed lately like my life lacks focus-- like I don't know where I'm going or what I should be doing or how I should get there to do it. There are flashes here and there, but aside from coming to this job (which makes me feel awkward) and crocheting a lot, I've started to feel like maybe I'm not meant to do more than be a good, supportive wife and wait around for Husband to come home from rehearsal/performances each night. Life seems lackluster. I'm malcontented and frustrated and losing drive.

For about 72 hours I thought of giving up auditions altogether. It feels too hard, it seems to require too much-- how can I possibly contemplate the idea of trying this at a more professional level if I can't even seem to get noticed anymore in the community? Not being cast hasn't actually made me feel less talented, only under-appreciated. But is it worth it for me to put myself out there, to keep trying, to maintain a potentially misguided faith in myself if I seem to hear "no" more frequently than I hear "yes"? Is it worth all of these self-promoting, self-inspiring, potentially misguided faith-in-myself blog entries?

I think it is. I'm performing a basically mindless task, pushing PLAY when I'm told for this show I was kind of rejected from, and I'd still rather do it than not be a part of it at all. I'd rather push PLAY without pay, without comps, without my name in the program, than not be a part of it at all. I'd rather hunt for my crochet hook on the ground of a mouse poopy sound booth than not be a part of it at all.

Remember that speech Katie Finneran gave at the Tony's this year? Remember when she told me to focus on what I love, "because it's the greatest passport. It is the greatest road map to an extraordinarily blissful life"? Remember that?

Remember when Audra McDonald sat fifteen feet away from me and told me that I can't say no to myself. That if I want to play the role, "do not be the one to stop [myself]"? That "there will be plenty of other people who will do that for [me]"?

I'm going to be a big deal. Yeah, maybe part of that drive will be to stick it to anyone who told me I'm not a big deal. And to spite the mouse poop, because I'd prefer to not smell that summer after summer. And my Ames and I will be a big deal together because he's already a big freakin' deal. Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lose 25 more pounds and lighten up my hair so I can instill an outward sense of confidence in myself that will subsequently get me noticed more at auditions. Thank you.