self-actualizing my appearance

I am thinking about some things right now.

1. It's very warm in here.
2. There is junk all over my desk.
3. There are pink jelly bellies in my desk, which I am avoiding.
4. I'm tired of not presenting myself to my best potential.

I've been thinking about #4 a lot lately, as I buzz to work every morning at 8AM, having usually rolled out of bed anywhere between 7:29 -7:46. Obviously, this doesn't leave very much time for me to put on nice clothes or do my hair or achieve much making up beyond a swipe or two of mascara when I'm stopped at the light by Riverwoods.

(Sometimes I can't do more than wipe the remnants of last night's show makeup from my eyelids and hope the remaining eyelash glue can somehow pass as "full lashes"-- you're welcome, world!)

This is a problem.

I've frequently been surprised over the years by how my outside doesn't match my inside. That is, sometimes when I pass by a mirror or see myself in a photo, I'm surprised by how I look. I feel like I look a certain way, only to discover that I actually look another. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just always kind of curious to me. This has been the case especially lately when I barely manage a half-baked attempt to match the feel with the look-- obviously, the disconnect isn't a surprise at all in these cases, though it's no less disappointing.

I have all these dreams and intentions of really embracing my look and self-actualizing but at the crack of 7AM, I just really like to sleep, is all. To get up an hour earlier doesn't seem like it would be a big deal, but somehow it is. I can't get past it. I'm starting to worry that my outer appearance (or, at least, my perception of it) is an indication of how I feel about my inner self, which makes me wildly uneasy.

The truth is that I actually like myself. I think I am pretty neat. I think I have some cool physical features to compliment my inner features. The only thing holding me back is me.

I read this really lovely blog as recommended by my friend Heidi that provides all kinds of juicy tid-bits about stars from the Golden Age of Hollywood, and in this recent post about Joan Crawford, she talks about the "persona" of Joan Crawford.

"I think the public comes to dream, to identify with me, especially in my early pictures...even when I just walk out of my building, I feel like I owe it to the doorman that I look like Joan Crawford. I overheard him once talking to another doorman and he said with pride, 'Joan Crawford lives in my building.' So, if I can't look like Joan Crawford, I don't go out. If anyone sees me, it's important they see Joan Crawford. That's why I dress up, even to throw out the garbage."

Now I understand it would be terribly easy to take this out of context and to the extreme. I don't pretend to be-- or need or want to be!-- so concerned with how I look that I can't take out the garbage without looking like (and therefore feeling like) myself (I usually let Ames take out the garbage anyway-- wocka wocka!). But I think it is an important trait to consider. The way you take care of yourself is an indication of who you are. People come to expect certain things about a person based on how they take care of themselves-- that is just a fact. There are dozens of reality shows based on this very concept. Though I'm no Joan Crawford, don't I owe it to myself to project on the outside who I am on the inside?

I think the most perfect current example of this idea is Kate Middleton. I think she is perfection. There are very few who feel like the is anything short of perfection. And you know, whether or not Kate herself regards herself as perfection, her (perfect) appearance projects the image of who she is and the station she has inherited for herself. Even grocery shopping in jeans, she's put together, her hair is done (when was the last time she has been seen in a messy ponytail or bun? Ever???), and she is neat. She clearly projects the idea that she respects herself and her title and her family and her responsibility.

So what is it about me that can't drag myself out of bed 10 minutes earlier to have enough time to even blow dry my hair nicely? I'm no duchess, but I am capable of respecting myself a little more than to resort to sloppy hair and yesterday's eye makeup.

Right?

I'm having my hair done on Friday. It will be a rather drastic change, and I'm excited. I'm also hoping it will be a kick-start in appreciating and taking care of the hair I will spend some nice money to have done, which I'm hoping will have a domino effect.

I'm also considering another Clean Sweep of my closet to really purge the clothes I don't/shouldn't wear and make room for new things-- things I like, that are flattering, and that will project an image of confidence.

AND I'm going to pull out that lipstick more frequently. Again. Because there's just something about the expectation of wearing lipstick that forces a person to get ready in the morning, am I right?



In the meantime, any tips for turning this snacking night-owl who hates to have wet hair into an early rising, clean-haired, exercise-before-work goddess?