a change

Something shocking has happened.

Through the years-- especially as folks like Liz Lemon have made it trendy and cute and hilarious-- I've developed a relationship with food that recognizes and acknowledges the ironic truth that nachos (for example) are at once bad for me, and I'm obsessed with them.

In this case, please feel free to replace "nachos" with any of (but not limited to) the following: Diet Coke, tacos, french fries, potato chips, Mike 'N' Ike, movie popcorn, cheeseburgers, curry, salted soft pretzels, club sandwiches, Cheez Its, macaroni and cheese, pizza, bread, bread sticks, cheese, Wendy's Chicken Go-Wraps.

(NOTE: at least lately I've had the pretense to order the grilled Go-Wraps but replace the [lower calorie] honey mustard with [higher calorie] ranch dressing [thereby basically undoing all attempts at cutting a few calories].)

Anyway, my point is that I've come to kind of pride myself on being a connoisseur of high-sodium, low-nutrient foods, kind of like how I pride myself on watching TV. I'm not going to pretend like I couldn't be doing other things with my time but I'm also not going to be one of those people who declares there is no value in TV. There is high value in TV! Production value! Entertainment value! And if you're a fan of the History Channel like me, EDUCATIONAL VALUE.

I'm not saying Wendy's/Taco Bell/Little Caesar's/Target Food Court has much value aside from taste value, but I think I could argue the educational value in frequenting these places. Some of the things I have learned are:

1. I will visit your establishment more frequently if it is clean (cleanliness, hygiene)
2. How to get the most out of my money spent (math)
3. How to eat the most food with the lowest total caloric intake-- ie. I can eat more Light Pringles than Regular Pringles for the same calories (math, logic/reasoning)
4. Making friends with the drive-thru clerks results in extra hot sauce packets (interpersonal, social)
5. Diet Coke always tastes better than Diet Pepsi (science)

However, I am finding that while such food provides educational and taste and social and even entertainment value of all kinds, I'm also starting to tire very much of the pursuit of food.

I'm one of those people who will arrive at 5pm on a busy day, having eaten lunch at such a time that maybe I'm not even terribly hungry, but I know given my evening schedule that I probably won't have time to get something to eat until at least 10pm, and while it's better to eat when I'm hungry, and not so much at night, or even let my body be hungry for a while, I'll go and get some drive-thru-y kind of dinner on my way to my evening plans because it's almost dinnertime and it's ingrained in my head to eat at dinnertime.

We won't even talk about how I get peckish at 10pm anyway and will, at least sometimes, go ahead and have a snack at 10pm. Since, you know, that happens too. Because it's fun! And usually involves Ames and some amount of tweet fodder.

But I'm tired of food, you guys. I mean, I'm not tired of the smell of terrible food, or the convenience of spending 5 minutes in line to order rather than cook it myself, but I'm plan ol' tired. The thought of chewing-- which has brought me so much satisfaction in the past-- is just tiresome. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to be so weak as to know what's good for me, know how to take care of myself, know how to lose these few pesky inches that I seem so helpless to lose from my body, and yet be seemingly totally incapable of passing up a bagel when one is sitting right in front of me, just screaming to be had.

It is time for some hard truths that I've been facing this week, in spite of how I know these things make me feel (namely lethargic, headachy and gross):

1. I am addicted to bread.
2. I am addicted to Diet Coke.
3. I will develop scurvy if I do not eat more fruit and vegetables.
4. There is a fine line between "cute/hilarious" and "gross" when it comes to being a fan of food.

I mean, I get it. I am not 100 lbs overweight. In fact, I'm only about 20 lbs heavier than I'd like to be. And in spite of that, I still skinny into size 6-8 pants, which is not in any way fat.

But isn't that the point? Look at my choices, look at my daily menus-- if I am able maintain a relatively stable level of health regarding my body's weight and size, how depressing is it that I don't have enough control to face this head on and really embrace my fullest potential?

I don't want to eat this kind of food anymore.

(That is the shocking thing I referred to up front, if you were wondering.)

To take control of my eating habits and really kick-start a lifestyle of health, Mr. Ames and I are beginning a juice fast this week as outlined in the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. What really appealed to me in this approach to "dieting" was the detox (since I've clearly clogged up my system with more preservatives and aspartame than anyone needs over a whole lifetime) and the fact that Joe Cross, the gentleman in the film, was able to heal his body and overcome an autoimmune disease that he had developed as a result of poor health. Being a patient of an autoimmune disease myself, I'm very interested to see if taking control of my health in this way may help to heal my body as well, and also change some lifestyle habits that will make me a better wife, friend, future mother, employee, and all-around human.

Also I want to brighten up my skin in a big way.

Basically what we'll be doing is limiting our diet to vegetables and some fruits, focusing on all those pesky micronutrients that are so hard to come by in over-processed packaged food. We'll take those foods and squish them into juice, which will make it easier to absorb the nutrients, and since we won't be digesting, it'll help to act as a natural detox as well. No bread, no Diet Coke, no drive-thru lines.

Incidentally, also no real thinking about what to eat. I'm already less tired!

I plan to outline our experience here, to really take stock of how it makes me feel and how I feel my health improving. While Joe Cross did his initial juice fast for 60 days, I'm going to take mine 10 days at a time, reevaluating how I feel as I go and perhaps taking a few breaks here and there. At very least, after the first 10 day cycle, I intend to have one day a week set aside for juicing for the rest of forever, so I can really concentrate on filling up on those nutrients my body seems to just be screaming for at the moment.

Am I crazy? A little bit. But I'm already really excited and unfazed by what I know will be a notable journey in embracing my health. It took me years to get to this point, it's not going to be an immediate, overnight change. And I probably won't ever lose my taste for junk. But I'm going to get it under control and make positive, informed choices.


Does anyone else have experience with juice fasts or similar detox "diets"? How was your experience?