minesweeping

It is literally the worst part of my day when this happens:

Literally. The worst. I hate that sad frowny face with the Xs for eyes more than anything.

Here's a fresh new game of the minesweeper, set at Expert level, and after only two clicks-- in just one brief second!--

KABOOM.

I get it okay? I'm a LOSER, okay??

The fact is, I'm really good at minesweeper. Like, weirdly good. Like, as good as I can get without being a computer genius. My best time on Expert is 109 seconds. It was like a dream. My fingers were clicking that mouse so steadily, so confidently, and before I knew it, I was being asked to enter my name for a new High Score.

109 seconds. That's freakin sick, you guys. Of course, the computer on which I set said High Score has since gone metaphorically KABOOM and no proof of my skillz remain. Nothing but a memory of the high, the rush, the payoff.

My best score on Beginner is 5 seconds. I admit that was kind of a fluke. I hit like three squares and won. Click, click, click, then You have the fastest time for beginner level. Please enter your name. Like that could even happen on purpose. Like I'm actually even that awesome.

You know, though, if you're not careful, you'll type in your name, hit "submit" and you'll ACCIDENTALLY RESET YOUR SCORES. Some tricksy game developer programed the name entering screen EXACTLY where the High Scores screen pops up, and the "submit" button is DIRECTLY over the "Reset Scores" button.

I take back the instant death thing being the worst about minesweeping.

Accidentally resetting your scores is literally the worst part of my day.

Mr. Ames doesn't understand the rules of the game. I didn't either until my coworker at Independence High finally explained the rules back in March of 2006. One time, the computer tech teacher had to install some updates on all the computers in the school, and unbeknownst to me, he just remoted himself in to my computer-- and started playing for me! Not only did I lose control of my own mouse without warning, he lost my game for me. Jerk.

I have memories as a child, setting up a custom game so there was a single mine, and with literally one click, I could beat the game. That's because I didn't know the satisfying nuances of the game. It's a puzzle. It's mind bending. It's beautiful. Unless you keep losing accidentally-- then it's plain frustrating.

My teeny baby 9"-screen computer at home is so small that I have to use both hands to click the mouse if I hope to stand any chance of playing quickly. It works pretty well, until I left-click with my left hand instead of right-click with my right hand and then KABOOM. I've learned to be leisurely at home. These are no high scoring games, by any means, but it decreases the margin of error and I can more easily watch Will & Grace simultaneously. Of course, I get all thrown off when I come to work and there's a speedy little mouse to use, and then I get ahead of myself, and then I can't even seem to set a high score of any kind on Expert, even a sucky high score (which is ironic anyway).

Minesweeper was disabled at Seven Peaks last summer. I hated that the most. It's not like I'm an addict. It's just relaxing sometimes, okay?

Sometimes I try to play without actually right-clicking the mines, just to mix up the difficulty. There's also a certain satisfaction when you hit the last safe square and all the remaining mines fill in themselves. You know that moment on The Office, when Pam is playing FreeCell and she's saving the one card so they'll all go flipflipflipflipflipflipflipflip? Same thing, only with mines, and no sound effects.

It would be cool if Wii had a version of minesweeper. Then again, there's something reliable about its simplicity. Still. Wii Minesweeper. It's got possibilities.

This post is starting to feel disjointed because I've started actually playing instead of finishing a thought. So apparently minesweeper also makes my thought process go KABOOM.

Time to wrap it up and concentrate, suckers.