missing academia

Well. I'm back, two rings on the left hand and a shiny new last name to show off. Of course I still need to get that legalized, but it can only happen as fast as Utah County will process my marriage license, so here we are.

I did make the decision just to go Emily Bell on facebook. There's that, at least. I knew you were all worried.

I'm sure a long, sloppy, "What I've Learned So Far" new wife post is expected since it has been, you know, a whole week and I'm a serious expert now, you guys. For better or worse, this is not that post. What is it that drives me to blog this evening?

School.

Are you kidding, self? I want to write about school, just six months after I wrote this post, questioning the merit and the "point" of this mystical concept of higher education? Yes. I do.

With all the commotion of wedding planning, and then suddenly (and blessedly) finding myself with a full time job, and moving, and settling a house, and then actually getting married, and sweeping off to Disneyland for a few days, only to be thrown back to Real Life just seven hours later, there was not much time for us (especially Ames, since I've graduated, duh) to ease ourselves back into School, and all that comes with it. Buying books, printing out schedules, reading a dozen syllabi and testing new pens on a brand new notebook, to say nothing of diving immediately back into auditions and rehearsals and performances in two weeks-- I find I didn't really prepare myself to actually donate my newly acquired other half quite so fast, though I did expect it. The most unexpected side to this story, however, is that I'm completely jealous.

To be true, there's a very physical sigh of relief to be sighed in the knowledge that I'm not having to face that First Week of School pressure, when you really do set yourself up to define the kind of student you'll be for that semester. I'm not pouring over assignment schedules, clamming up at the thought that I don't have a paper due in just three days, even though school barely started, and wondering when I'll find time to do all this homework in such a way that it won't interfere with my social life.

On the flip side though, I'm starting to feel this strange sense of remorse that I won't get to write any fun papers, even though I basically left every single "fun" paper of my college career until the very last minute to be written. I'm not going to get to sit through any of Rick Duerden's phenomenal lectures or (brace yourselves) take any of his exams. My fingers don't get to stretch all out under the weight of very heavy BYU Bookstore bags filled with 15+ books to read throughout the semester. I love new books. They were expensive sometimes, but I do love me some new books.

So okay, does this mean I should go back to grad school, assuming I could find a program I 1) want to apply to 2) would thrive in 3) be accepted to? I struggled as an undergrad, I mean I really did. I don't do the whole "school" game very well, and I never have. I like learning, though. And I like writing, and researching. And I like knowing things. I really, really like knowing things.

It could be that I'm somewhat daunted by the idea of facing the Employment Application Process again, since my job ceases to be full time within a few months, on top of the fact that I need to somehow provide benefits for this new little branch of the Bell family. Or even just money to buy insurance from an independent company, if necessary. Of course that undertaking has something to do with it, but I really think most of it has to do with being surrounded by the academic atmosphere and participating in a learning process.

As I look for jobs, ideally I want to land in a school setting, even if it's just in administration. I loved working at IHS and so many years at BYU. I like being around people who are smart and who are committed to learning (even if they aren't, as in my case, entirely committed to getting straight A's). I like it.

I've never not had a First Day of School in September before. That is weird. I'm not going to have a First Day of School next week. What am I possibly going to do with myself?!!

I'll probably just dig out my British Literature Norton Anthologies and skim through all the notes I made in the margins to prove to myself that I'm smart and that I actually liked school a lot a lot a lot, even just in hindsight. That'll show me.