just breathe

This morning, all the snark has been sucked out of me.

I've noticed there's a certain quiet dignity when you actually take control of your eating habits. Exercising is hard for me. I don't like it, I don't like making time for it. Now that I'm on the downhill slope on my way to goal weight, I've simply stopped eating so much. I'm not overeating. I haven't been eating high-calorie foods. I've been drinking a lot of water. Ground breaking, isn't it? I've felt less wild this week, less prone to extreme emotions, less out of control.

That said, I consciously had two pieces of pizza for breakfast this morning and it was so delicious.

Twitter and I are also taking a break in our relationship. I shut off the text alert option, which decreased the number of texts I received yesterday substantially. And I didn't even notice. Apparently Twitter and I have grown overly fond of each other and I'm welcoming a vacation. We'll see if I ever return to text alerts because this has been nice.

In general I'm a little sensitive about being quite so available all the time. I'm really sorry to everyone who's received a slow text-response. I'm really sorry to anyone who's left me a voicemail in the last five days that I still haven't heard. I've really liked feeling a little less JUMP-TO! and a little more in-a-second-k? The world doesn't collapse if I don't JUMP-TO! The world continues to turn. And it's easier to breathe, if you can believe it.

I woke up late this morning, in our bed with the flannel sheets. Of course, I woke up to the sound of upstairs-neighbors physically wrestling their children to get ready for school, which wasn't the most peaceful alarm I've ever heard, but I woke up a little late and then pulled on my favorite pants, which are now too big around my (finally) 29" waist. I'm wearing a mustard-colored headband that I crocheted with a bow on it and I have new knit boots with buttons to replace the ones I had to throw away last year because they were stinky. And even though I walked into work prepared to be defensive, as I always do, there is sun actually shining through my office window and it's all over my desk, warming my hands and my back. It almost feels like I might be here today for the rest of my life, but I'm not willing to fight about it. I like this feeling of tranquility. I like feeling neutral. I like feeling in control.

Things will work out. I might go back to school. I might be poor for a real long time. I might not get a fancy phone or a new camera or be able to afford clothes from my favorite store, and I may not feel fulfilled for a while. But I'm pretty good at a few things, and I'm a pretty interesting person, and I have the sweetest boy in the world for a husband, so that's pretty okay.

This morning feels like a pretty good step in the right direction.