Well frankly, I don't feel like talking about crying today, you blog-a-day challenge, because I'm feeling all jumbly inside and maybe I cried during Young Victoria when I watched it with Mel today and then maybe a few more drops squeezed out of my eyes while I was driving back to school-- maybe they did, you don't know, but I know, and by my knowing, you all know, so I guess you know that they did, not even maybe.
But since I don't want to talk about crying, I'd better get this out of the way so that we're done with it. It's not a song, so much as it's a piece of music that makes me cry every time I hear it and that is Valley of the Shadow from Little Women by Thomas Newman when Beth dies. Also, Hand of Fate Part II from Signs by James Newton Howard. Also, Finale from Big Fish by Danny Elfman, or maybe it's just the scene that makes me cry and not necessarily the music all its own by itself.
At any rate, those are my answers.
So here I am at work, not wanting to work, not wanting to go back to my empty house even though it is kind of cozy and I could just work on making that Snuggie of mine with the fabric that reminds me of New Orleans Square at Disneyland which is why I got it. I finished disk 2 of season 3 of The Tudors last night and have to wait a few days for disk 3 to come in the mail. I do have that Wives of Henry VIII book to read, which is just getting really fascinating (Anne is losing favor, Jane is pleading marriage, Henry is very bald, it's all very thrilling), and I guess I could just read that in my office for a while but I've lost interest in that too.
I could reorganize all the clothes in our house. That would keep me busy for a long time.
Boring!
Anyway, all these options are just making me all confused because I'm mildly interested in doing them all but none of them at the same time.
The young man has been away 27 hours and I'm completely falling apart!
(This is where you go "awwwwwwwwwwww!" and then I make a face like "yeah yeah go on.")
Also my phone is acting up and not sending texts.
I want to start working on another show right away, but I'm also liking the idea of free time in the evenings for a while-- except not this free time where I just feel useless and kind of empty.
This is not anyone's fault. This is a learning experience. We're learning, we're learning, we're growing, we're coping.
Seriously though, that scene with Victoria and Albert after they come inside from being in the rain and they just talk.
Sometimes I feel a little bit like since the show has closed, I'm walking this weird social line. I'm not a student here, I've never been a student here, but while I was in the show, it was more like I'm student age and can hang out with students, and in the week the show's been over it's like there's been this little subtle change which I actually kind of wanted, where people treat me less like a student because I'm not a student, at least while we're at school, but it's okay for people to be my friend, even when I'm not a student, which is always, especially when we're not at school. And I guess I could be more proactive about socializing too, but it's weird when people all of a sudden are hanging out in groups and you start to feel like you haven't really been invited or you might be stepping on toes if you find a way to show interest like you'd like to be included too.
This is awkward. I'm awkward. I'm afraid I'm making things awkward.
In some ways I feel like just going to home to embrace that crying thing-- like, making it happen on purpose so we can get it all out of the ol' system and just move on. It's not just separation anxiety, I think it's just been a long time since I had it out with a good cry. It's cathartic, yeah? A good cry? Maybe I'll just throw in Big Fish for the sole purpose of watching that Finale scene, or at least break one a little Brian Doyle who writes so beautifully I could cry just cry and sometimes do.
But I've already written a few entries about essays lately, so I won't bore you with another based around Brian Doyle.
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