how food makes me mad

Imma be straight up with you right now:

Yesterday suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked.

I definitely expected the headache/nausea/general feeling of gloom and doom, but I didn't expect it to come on quite so quickly. Am I just a pansy? It's possible. Did I simply make a cucky recipe for my lunch? Definitely yes.

At any rate, by the time I got home after work, I was tired, gloomy, and felt an impending headache that I knew would reach epic proportions (and oh, it did). I didn't even drink my juice dinner. Now I know that was probably a poor choice in that it probably would have taken away some of the nausea associated with hunger and helped with any dehydration (certainly a factor which I'm taking much more seriously today), but I felt like I'd just barf it right up.

On the bright side, my Wednesday night TV lineup is shaping up quite nicely for the fall-- Ghost Hunters, Toddlers & Tiaras, and Dance Moms all last night, and I can look forward to America's Next Top Model starting next week. Also I watched the Salt Lake Pride episode of Rosanne's Nuts, which was actually quite entertaining and made me proud to be a Utahn.

What's interesting is that as I sat there in my foggy misery, fighting the urge to sneak a fistful of cinnamon Life cereal out of the pantry because who would find out?!!, I was suddenly acutely aware of inundation of food commercials. Fast food, snack food, even "healthy" food like yogurt, low-calorie cereals and chocolate-covered granola, all for 160 calories or less. We are so obsessed with "eating right" but at the end of the day, I don't want to be counting calories. What kind of life is that? What kind of pleasure is derived from that? "Watch your weight by eating whole grain Cheerios. Watch your weight by eating this Wendy's salad. Watch your weight by indulging in snacks." All of these messages tell me that I should be watching my weight by eating. WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES THAT MEAN?

In addition, the number of commercials for vitamins, supplements, fiber powders, and pain medication is kind of astonishing. Not only should I eat to watch my weight, I should take additional pills to give me the nutrients I'm missing in the food I'm eating (to watch my weight). Why aren't the foods I'm supposed to eat to lose weight providing me proper nutrients so I don't have to take a supplement?

I get that my preferred diet of nachos, potato chips and chicken go-wraps aren't nutritionally sound. But at least shouldn't all this touted "healthy" food be nutritionally sound?

It was all very interesting. I wouldn't be surprised if part of my sour mood was related to this realization. And now I'm sipping on an apple/pear/carrot juice that's really quite tasty. And it was (maybe) all worth it to see the numbers on the scale this morning.

Day 2 -- 160.8 lbs

I'd say that's a rather inspiring start to this experiment.

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.2PM UPDATE.

I've arrived at the gate to Crazy Town, everybody. I'm standing there, looking right in at all the loons and feeling sympathetic. I'm almost one of them.

Turns out the gloom of Day 1 hasn't subsided like I had hoped. No amount of remembering how I lost 4.2lbs overnight will lift my spirits, no amount of pinning pictures of pretty clothes I'll soon fit into will soothe my woes. I took one sip of my lunch and shivered with a gag. I'm wussing out!!!!

NO I AM NOT.

What I am finding is that the finicky in me is trying to take control. It's okay, body! You still like fruit! You don't have to drink the weird vegetables (yet)! I need me some grapes ASAP. I will live off of them, and apples, and pears, and carrots, if I must!

How do you think a puree of spicy tuna rolls would taste...?

No?

Wah.

Thank you Hilary for pinning this motivation just when I need it most.

day 1 - it begins

Today I feel like this (about juicing, not an open marriage-- to be clear):


Yesterday we went and rather blindly made our way through the produce department at Winco, trying to figure out exactly what items we need for the next two days or so, for both of us, for recipes we haven't tried (I have been a rather picky eater in my day, so this is kind of uncomfortable territory). We spent exactly $26.26 on produce, figuring it will get us through the next 2.5 days or so. Maybe. Probably. Hopefully? Who even knows.

We test ran a batch of fresh apple juice made with... actual fresh apples. Crazy, right?

And guess what it tasted like?

Actual, fresh apples.

My mind is blown. I don't even have babies yet and I already want to die at the thought of buying expensive Mott's apple juice instead of crushing up my own for their someday bottles. Only four little apples resulted in a 16oz glass of juice with nothing added. Oh brave new world!

A word about The Juicer.

We got the Jack Lalanne Power Juicer Pro (AS SEEN ON TV!). We had been looking at the Breville Juice Fountain Plus but we wanted to get cracking, and Bed, Bath & Beyond had it for a pretty good price, so we just went with it. Also, it's as seen on tv, so how can you go wrong, ammarite?

And for a second Arrested Development reference in a single post, Martin Short's character UNCLE JACK is based on the real-life Jack Lalanne, who was a bodybuilder and fitness guru. So if you're wondering if this image will make me giggle every single day, you're right on the money.

So okay, this morning we got up and made some juice. First we made "lunch," which resulted in much more juice than we expected it to-- two servings really. Kale, cucumber, apples, celery, lemon, and a tiny bit of ginger. I'm thinking there's too much cucumber, not enough kale. Look at me! I'm already nutrient conscious! Then we made breakfast: two servings of two pears, apple and ginger.

Word to the wise: a little bit of ginger goes a long way.

I'm not sure what we'll have for dinner-- probably something with more greens, maybe a smidge of citrus? We'll see.

As promised, I'm going to chronicle my daily weight loss because that is among my motivating factors in this experiment. I also want to keep a running total of how much I spend on food because I can already tell I'm going to have a lot more money in the bank at the end of the month than I otherwise would.

And so (even though I'm somewhat embarrassed by what I've gained back over the last year)...

Day 1-- 165.0 lbs.
Money spent (as of 10:30AM)-- $5.01

on your mark - get set

Tomorrow is the Big Day.

Tomorrow begins JUICE FAST 2011.

Yesterday we got our juicer, today we're taking recipes to the grocery store for our first shopping trip, and tomorrow-- we begin.

My goal is to juice for at least 30 days straight. In another time (meaning, a week ago) this seemed like a monumental undertaking. In fact, a week ago I only planned to go ten days at a time and reevaluate after each ten days. But since it has been 8 days since my last Diet Coke and still going very strong, I'm going to commit to 30 days.

September 7 - October 6.

I hate to set out with a stipulation, but I will confess, I do plan to "cheat" one single evening to celebrate my birthday. I'm having a party at some point (who knows when, due to mumblegrumble work trips) and I am going to have some nachos for turning 25, darn it. But you know, I saw this on pinterest today and it rang true, even though I haven't even started yet:


Turning 25 is not a thing to "reward" myself for, particularly because so many people turn 25. It's not a rite, it's not an achievement, and even if it were either of those things, a "reward" in the form of nachos (while delicious) doesn't sit right with me. I look forward to this continued understanding of what I put into my body and why.

Note: but I will still eat nachos for my birthday. Because I like them.

ANYWAY.

Juice Fast 2011. Tomorrow is Day 1. Get excited about some updates regarding my progress. I'm keeping track of my weight and inches lost over here on the right ------> I'm already feeling peaceful and in control.

I can't wait to heal my body a little and maybe a little bit of my spirit too.

kicking a habit

If you haven't been able to tell from my recent tweets (which you can find right over there on the right column ----->, or you can just FOLLOW ME), I quit Diet Coke this week.

That's right. You read it correctly.

I am no longer drinking Diet Coke.

I quit cold turkey on Tuesday. I haven't had a single drop which, if any of you know me at all, is a rather large achievement. Like, a monumental achievement. If I'm Niel Armstrong, not drinking Diet Coke is my moon walk.

I mean, I get it. It's only been 2.5 days. But I'm really adapting some addicts mottos in my life and trying to focus on the "one day at a time" bit. I can only do this one day at a time. And in the scheme of things, long term is not something I can really focus on at the moment.

Let me tell you about what spurred this relatively sudden decision. I was facing this choice anyway with the impending Juice Fast, but the other day, I was at work and suddenly my whole body kind of seized up and I had trouble breathing and my hands were shaking and I was sweating all over and I was in such terrible pain I can't even explain it to you.

(If I'm being honest, my mind went straight to that place where I thought I might be featured on the next episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, since the pain kind of came in a few waves and I'd never felt that kind of intense pressure in my whole back and torso before. Needless to say, I'm sitting here almost three days later having not birthed a child, but I think it's kind of a funny hindsight-y kind of anecdote and definitely indicative of the way media affects my thought process. It's possible I should consider a media fast next.)

ANYWAY. I drove myself down to Urgent Care (because I'm a hands-on, DIY kind of gal) where Ames met me and I was tested for kidney stones because all my vitals were 100% normal, in spite of the fact that I was convinced my heart was racing out of my chest. No kidney stones. Oh, just turns out I was having a Panic Attack.



...'scuse me?



Now listen. This whole story may be considered TMI at this point-- being only 72 hours since it all happened-- and my family is probably shaking their heads disparagingly as I over-share my life, but I have a point here.

My point is that, while panic attacks are somewhat common, they are in no way normal. And while I'm investigating a number of other contributing causes as to why this all-of-a-sudden happened, the fact is I've been making choices in my life that have made me more prone to this sort of thing. One of those choices: over-consumption of Diet Coke and caffeine.

This is an example of how being cavalier and super awesome about the bad things I eat and drink is NOT trendy or cute or hilarious.

So here I am. Luckily, by the time My Episode happened on Tuesday morning I hadn't had any Diet Coke that day, and I decided in that doctor's office that I was going to quit cold turkey-- that I was going to follow in the footsteps of my fantastically inspiring pipe-smoking grandfather who walked into a doctor's office one day to find a (benign) spot on his lip and quit right there on the spot, after decades and decades of smoking.

I mean, I feel like Grandpa Dab (affectionately known as Bop-Bop, if you're feeling nosy) could relate to my hobby-not-habit since he went so far as to include his pipe in his headshot.

But really. I sound so overly dramatic comparing Diet Coke to tobacco, but this is my health on the line here. Time for a drastic wake-up call to my system.

So far, it hasn't been terribly drastic. Mildly drastic, but not terribly. Right now this moment I'm staving off headaches which are totally to be expected. I feel much better about staving off headaches than encouraging my body to sustain another episode that makes me feel like I'm dying. So. There's that.

We haven't started the juicing yet, but I'm looking forward to it more than ever. It's probably better to have started this process with this step and then move on to removing all preservatives without shocking myself into oblivion. I have a serious dependence on preservatives, guys.

Correction:

I HAD a serious dependence on preservatives. NO LONGER!!

And in the meantime, it's amazing to me how wonderful and calming and happy my "Judy Garland" channel on Pandora is making me today. Just wonderful.





So what beverages (other than water, duh) do you suggest in lieu of the Diet Coke?

a change

Something shocking has happened.

Through the years-- especially as folks like Liz Lemon have made it trendy and cute and hilarious-- I've developed a relationship with food that recognizes and acknowledges the ironic truth that nachos (for example) are at once bad for me, and I'm obsessed with them.

In this case, please feel free to replace "nachos" with any of (but not limited to) the following: Diet Coke, tacos, french fries, potato chips, Mike 'N' Ike, movie popcorn, cheeseburgers, curry, salted soft pretzels, club sandwiches, Cheez Its, macaroni and cheese, pizza, bread, bread sticks, cheese, Wendy's Chicken Go-Wraps.

(NOTE: at least lately I've had the pretense to order the grilled Go-Wraps but replace the [lower calorie] honey mustard with [higher calorie] ranch dressing [thereby basically undoing all attempts at cutting a few calories].)

Anyway, my point is that I've come to kind of pride myself on being a connoisseur of high-sodium, low-nutrient foods, kind of like how I pride myself on watching TV. I'm not going to pretend like I couldn't be doing other things with my time but I'm also not going to be one of those people who declares there is no value in TV. There is high value in TV! Production value! Entertainment value! And if you're a fan of the History Channel like me, EDUCATIONAL VALUE.

I'm not saying Wendy's/Taco Bell/Little Caesar's/Target Food Court has much value aside from taste value, but I think I could argue the educational value in frequenting these places. Some of the things I have learned are:

1. I will visit your establishment more frequently if it is clean (cleanliness, hygiene)
2. How to get the most out of my money spent (math)
3. How to eat the most food with the lowest total caloric intake-- ie. I can eat more Light Pringles than Regular Pringles for the same calories (math, logic/reasoning)
4. Making friends with the drive-thru clerks results in extra hot sauce packets (interpersonal, social)
5. Diet Coke always tastes better than Diet Pepsi (science)

However, I am finding that while such food provides educational and taste and social and even entertainment value of all kinds, I'm also starting to tire very much of the pursuit of food.

I'm one of those people who will arrive at 5pm on a busy day, having eaten lunch at such a time that maybe I'm not even terribly hungry, but I know given my evening schedule that I probably won't have time to get something to eat until at least 10pm, and while it's better to eat when I'm hungry, and not so much at night, or even let my body be hungry for a while, I'll go and get some drive-thru-y kind of dinner on my way to my evening plans because it's almost dinnertime and it's ingrained in my head to eat at dinnertime.

We won't even talk about how I get peckish at 10pm anyway and will, at least sometimes, go ahead and have a snack at 10pm. Since, you know, that happens too. Because it's fun! And usually involves Ames and some amount of tweet fodder.

But I'm tired of food, you guys. I mean, I'm not tired of the smell of terrible food, or the convenience of spending 5 minutes in line to order rather than cook it myself, but I'm plan ol' tired. The thought of chewing-- which has brought me so much satisfaction in the past-- is just tiresome. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to be so weak as to know what's good for me, know how to take care of myself, know how to lose these few pesky inches that I seem so helpless to lose from my body, and yet be seemingly totally incapable of passing up a bagel when one is sitting right in front of me, just screaming to be had.

It is time for some hard truths that I've been facing this week, in spite of how I know these things make me feel (namely lethargic, headachy and gross):

1. I am addicted to bread.
2. I am addicted to Diet Coke.
3. I will develop scurvy if I do not eat more fruit and vegetables.
4. There is a fine line between "cute/hilarious" and "gross" when it comes to being a fan of food.

I mean, I get it. I am not 100 lbs overweight. In fact, I'm only about 20 lbs heavier than I'd like to be. And in spite of that, I still skinny into size 6-8 pants, which is not in any way fat.

But isn't that the point? Look at my choices, look at my daily menus-- if I am able maintain a relatively stable level of health regarding my body's weight and size, how depressing is it that I don't have enough control to face this head on and really embrace my fullest potential?

I don't want to eat this kind of food anymore.

(That is the shocking thing I referred to up front, if you were wondering.)

To take control of my eating habits and really kick-start a lifestyle of health, Mr. Ames and I are beginning a juice fast this week as outlined in the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. What really appealed to me in this approach to "dieting" was the detox (since I've clearly clogged up my system with more preservatives and aspartame than anyone needs over a whole lifetime) and the fact that Joe Cross, the gentleman in the film, was able to heal his body and overcome an autoimmune disease that he had developed as a result of poor health. Being a patient of an autoimmune disease myself, I'm very interested to see if taking control of my health in this way may help to heal my body as well, and also change some lifestyle habits that will make me a better wife, friend, future mother, employee, and all-around human.

Also I want to brighten up my skin in a big way.

Basically what we'll be doing is limiting our diet to vegetables and some fruits, focusing on all those pesky micronutrients that are so hard to come by in over-processed packaged food. We'll take those foods and squish them into juice, which will make it easier to absorb the nutrients, and since we won't be digesting, it'll help to act as a natural detox as well. No bread, no Diet Coke, no drive-thru lines.

Incidentally, also no real thinking about what to eat. I'm already less tired!

I plan to outline our experience here, to really take stock of how it makes me feel and how I feel my health improving. While Joe Cross did his initial juice fast for 60 days, I'm going to take mine 10 days at a time, reevaluating how I feel as I go and perhaps taking a few breaks here and there. At very least, after the first 10 day cycle, I intend to have one day a week set aside for juicing for the rest of forever, so I can really concentrate on filling up on those nutrients my body seems to just be screaming for at the moment.

Am I crazy? A little bit. But I'm already really excited and unfazed by what I know will be a notable journey in embracing my health. It took me years to get to this point, it's not going to be an immediate, overnight change. And I probably won't ever lose my taste for junk. But I'm going to get it under control and make positive, informed choices.


Does anyone else have experience with juice fasts or similar detox "diets"? How was your experience?

news briefs

1. I started the 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels. I didn't understand what people meant when they told me the program made/makes them angry. I've done some Jillian workouts before and, while difficult (I'm not made for cardio yoga or whatever. But really.), they haven't made me "angry." But I get it now. I feel mad when I do Level 2 of The Shred. Like, I'm literally in a bad mood when I spend that 20 minutes of my life doing so many effing squats. But it's working. I have Incredible Shrinking Arms. Go figure.

2. I'm also still Couch-to-5K-ing, slowly but surely. I'm finding that I rather like it. And it gives me a good excuse to only Shred on the days I'm not C25King. I'm going to be the Incredible Shrinking Emily, complete with Incredible Shrinking Legs so I look cute in boots this fall.

3. But wait-- when can it be fall?? I really don't do well with summer and though I was trying to embrace the bare legs and short sleeves and a varied wardrobe of sunglasses, I'm suuuuuupes over it. I'm not a summer girl. In addition, I'm not a desert girl, so being suck in summer IN THE DESERT is getting really tiresome. Where can I live where it can be autumn for most of the year? Any tips?

4. Maybe if I go shopping for fall clothes to replace the summer clothes I'm weary of, it'll speed the mental process along. Also, I intend to wear boots and scarves daily beginning September 25 regardless of the temperature, so.

5. Speaking of September 25, I am having a 25th birthday party on September 24th. I know that's not the same as the 25, but the 25th is a Sunday so I figure we can have a party on the 24th that may roll over to the wee hours of the 25th and that will be appropriate. With sparklers. I just thought of that. Anyway, it's going to be loosely Big Fish themed, based on the barefoot party they have in Spectre with lots of lights and pretty dresses and Missy Pyle has enormous hair, and if you're in Utah, I would love to have you come. There will be delicious food and it will be in our backyard and I really hope everyone dresses nicely for it. And it will still be warm enough for bare feet! More details to come...

6. I've recently discovered Slim Fast meal bars. I had avoided them till now because they looked like protein bars which are naaaaaaast, but the Chewy Chocolate Crisp variety is really quite delightful and filling and not a protein bar (thus not chalky). Perfect for breakfast.

7. I dyed my hair red and it looks like this:My sister Lizzy took the photo and is really quite a wiz with a camera, if you're looking for headshots or portraits or whatev. CLICKY CLICKY her blog.

8. Hey guys-- let's be pinterest buddies.

9. Did you ever watch that show Better Off Ted? Probably not, since it only lasted two seasons. I didn't watch it either till now on Netflix, but all I'm saying is it's a hoot and a half. Little bit Arrested Development, little bit Big Bang Theory, little bit The IT Crowd... Little bit HILARIOUS.

10. I'm performing in a little production of a play called LITTLE HAPPY SECRETS as part of the fringe season at Salt Lake Acting Company. My friend Mel wrote it, and my friend Dave is directing it, and my friends Alex and Emily and Elise are in it with me. Please come see it, if you have an extra hour on August 26 or 27. It is a short show, but very interesting and we are all very excited about it. GET TICKETS HERE.

11. I'm looking to get a new camera. Any thoughts on something like an Olympus PEN E-PL2?



What's going on in your life?