The Office Summer Vacation

I feel like everyone needs to watch this. Immediately.

Candlelight

I am alone, surrounded by
The colour blue
Inside a poem, the only
Words i ever knew
Washing my hands, of the
Many years untold
For now i am banned, my
Future is to unfold

Would you take my
Candlelight
Would you take my
Candlelight
Would you take
My candlelight
Away from me

I am blind
My eyes
Are
Covered
From
The
Outside
For i have lied, now all
There is left for me
To do is hide
Take in a deep
Breath, i lift
My head
For i am a new man
And i arise from my bed

This is all there is, i can see that now
I have to be careful with it, now its been found
So fragile, but powerful, this is the light
Of my destiny stay with me, through every night

My new obsession

Mel Brooks' new musical - the monster-sized Young Frankenstein- made its world premiere at the Paramount Theatre Aug. 7, as it kicked off its pre-Broadway run in Seattle.

The much-anticipated tuner stars Roger Bart in the title role, and boasts an impressive ensemble including Megan Mullally (Elizabeth), Sutton Foster (Inga), Andrea Martin (Frau Blucher), Shuler Hensley (The Monster), Christopher Fitzgerald (Igor) and Fred Applegate (Kemp).

The show continues out-of-town through Sept. 1, en route to Broadway's Hilton Theatre, where it begins previews Oct. 11. Here's a look at Young Frankenstein, currently playing at Seattle's Paramount Theatre, and opening on Broadway Nov. 8.

Based on the Oscar-nominated 1974 film, Young Frankenstein is Mel Brooks' comic re-imagining of the Mary Shelley classic. When Frederick Frankenstein, an esteemed New York brain surgeon and professor, inherits a castle and laboratory in Transylvania from his grandfather, deranged genius Victor Von Frankenstein, he faces a dilemma. Does he continue to run from his family's tortured past or does he stay in Transylvania to carry on his grandfather's mad experiments reanimating the dead and, in the process, fall in love with his sexy lab assistant Inga? Unfolding in the forbidding Castle Frankenstein and the foggy moors of Transylvania Heights, the show's raucous score includes "The Transylvania Mania," "He Vas My Boyfriend" and Irving Berlin's "Puttin' On the Ritz."

Young Frankenstein features a book by three-time Tony Award winner Mel Brooks and three-time Tony Award winner Thomas Meehan and music and lyrics by Brooks.

Hollywood's terrorists: Mormon, not Muslim

Despite ample material in today’s world, the film ‘September Dawn’ chooses to travel back to the 1800s to disparage a safer target: the LDS Church.

By Michael Medved

Why would Hollywood release a controversial feature film about alleged Mormon terrorists of 150 years ago while all but ignoring the dangerous Muslim terrorists of today?

The movie industry has pointedly avoided harsh treatment of modern Islamic radicals, but September Dawn (to be released nationally Aug. 24) portrays the 19th century Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a deeply corrupt cult led by an all-powerful, blood-thirsty mass murderer.

(Photo — The Mormon militia: The film September Dawn depicts the Mountain Meadows Massacre, in which 120 men, women and children were slain on Sept. 11, 1857. / Black Diamond Pictures)

The trailer for the film makes clear its hostile point of view, with Terrence Stamp as Brigham Young announcing in portentous and menacing tones: "I am the voice of God. And anyone who doesn't like it will be hewn down."

The narrator then informs potential viewers that in 1857, this monster acted "in the name of God" in the savage murder of 120 men, women and children. "Who ordered the massacre, and why, has been hidden in a cloak of secrecy and conspiracy," he solemnly intones. "And the reputation of one of the nation's mightiest religious figures has been preserved and protected — until now!" At that point, the trailer offers a black-hatted character screaming, "Mormons, do your duty!" to command stern-faced gunmen to blast away at innocent victims.

Nothing 'hidden' here

The historical "Mountain Meadows Massacre" portrayed in the film certainly constitutes an atrocity, with paramilitary forces of the new Mormon settlement in Utah slaughtering members of a wagon train from Arkansas. Far from being "hidden in a cloak of secrecy and conspiracy," the awful occurrence has received regular historical commemoration (including regretful recognition from Mormon officials) and inspired numerous books, articles and documentary films.

These explorations reach no definitive conclusions on Brigham Young's complicity in the massacre, but the movie leaves no doubt at all — using fierce quotations by Young, but using those words wildly out of context. The film, for instance, downplays events preceding the Mountain Meadows rampage, including brutal persecution of Mormon settlements in Ohio, Missouri and Illinois, that led to the trek to Utah. Just before the incident the film portrays, the federal government sent troops West with orders to remove Brigham Young as governor of the territory, and the movie never acknowledges Young's ultimate agreement to step down peacefully, avoiding the feared bloodbath between U.S. soldiers and Mormon militia.

To try to claim contemporary relevance for September Dawn, its director, Christopher Cain, and its veteran star, Jon Voight, both tell interviewers that the project recounts a pertinent story of "religious fanaticism" — emphasizing the eerie coincidence of the massacre's date (Sept. 11) and showing martyred "prophet" Joseph Smith (portrayed as an arrogant, preening dandy shortly before his death at age 39 at the hands of a lynch mob), declaring himself a "New Mohammet" and threatening holy war against his enemies.

The film's deliberately drawn analogy between Mountain Meadows and 9/11 raises the most puzzling question about this peculiar project: Why frame an indictment of violent religiosity by focusing on long-ago Mormon leaders rather than contemporary Muslims who perpetrate unspeakable brutalities every day?

In fact, Hollywood's reluctance to portray Islamo-Nazi killers remains difficult, if not impossible, to explain. Since 2001's devastating attacks, big studios have released numerous movies with terrorists as part of the plot, including Sum of All Fears, Red Eye, Live Free or Die Hard, The Bourne Ultimatum and many more, but virtually all of them show terrorists as Europeans or Americans with no Islamic connections. Even historically based thrillers downplay Muslim terrorism: Steven Spielberg's Munich spends more than 80% of its running time showing Israelis as killers and Palestinians as victims, while Oliver Stone's World Trade Center highlights the aftermath of the attacks with no depiction of those who perpetrated them. United 93 stands out among recent releases in showing Islamic killers in acts of terror — and it would be hard to tell that story without portraying the suicidal hijackers.

Beyond topicality, Tinseltown's respect for Muslim sensibilities has proved so pervasive that there has been little or no reference to bloody episodes of the Islamic past. In Kingdom of Heaven, Muslim followers of Saladdin appear far more sympathetic than the thuggish, devious Christian Crusaders. Despite the fact that founders of Islam built their religion through centuries of conquest vastly more bloody than incidents at the beginnings of Mormonism, it's unthinkable that filmmakers would ever depict Mohammed and his followers as viciously as they handle Brigham Young in September Dawn.

Chilling effect

In part, preference for Mormons over Muslims as targets of cinematic scorn stems from reasonable concerns for personal safety. Islamic communities have proved more than a mite touchy over media depictions of their faith: Consider the deadly worldwide riots over a dozen Danish cartoons, or the taking of more than 100 American hostages and bans in Muslim countries inspired by the respectful 1977 film Mohammad, Messenger of God (directed by a Syrian and financed in part by the Libyan government).

Mormons won't respond with any comparable rage, no matter how badly September Dawn tarnishes the memory of their faith's founders. In fact, the LDS Church has adopted an official policy of "no comment" regarding the film, and there have been no examples of young Mormons strapping dynamite to their bodies and blowing themselves up to protest perceived insults to their religion. They have cheerfully endured another recent film assault (Jane Fonda's Georgia Rule) that showed Mormons as stupid, petty, sexually repressed losers, and an edgy episode of TV's South Park showing the story of Joseph Smith with a background chorus describing it as "dumb-dumb-dumb."

The measured response to public smears of Mormonism in effect rebuts the September Dawn suggestion that the church represents a relevant example of violent religious fanaticism. Despite the turbulence of their founding generation, Mormons have been conspicuously peaceful, patriotic, hard-working and neighborly for at least the past 117 years (since the church repudiated and banned polygamy).

The film's producers insist it's merely coincidence that their project's release coincides with the surging presidential campaign of the most serious Mormon candidate in American history; after all, planning and pre-production work took place years before Mitt Romney launched his campaign. Nevertheless, even a modest motion picture like this one with little chance of achieving blockbuster status will spark intense new discussion of Mormonism's origins, while powerfully re-enforcing negative stereotypes that already lead millions of Americans to tell pollsters that they wouldn't vote for a Mormon.

This sort of prejudice seems not only unjust but also downright un-American — violating the cherished pluralistic traditions by which we judge religious communities not based on theological quirks or long-ago disputes, but on the decency of their present adherents. By that standard, the Mormons' restrained response to even the most mean-spirited challenges to their beliefs says more about the present nature of their faith than anything in September Dawn.

Nationally syndicated radio talk host Michael Medved is the author of Right Turns. He is also a member of USA TODAY's board of contributors.

Demon Barber

Housing Nightmares

I have no where to live for next year. I have no where to live, and no one to live with. I also have like 3.5 weeks to find somewhere/someone to live with, preferably in that order. Just because you have someone to live with doesn't mean you'll find anywhere to, well, live.

I've called like a dozen people, only one has called me back. I found a place on Craig's List today that's got 3 private contracts available for $325/month, and it's a half-block from campus. I'd be willing to just go sign tomorrow, even if I don't have anyone to sign with me.

@%!#^($@

Orem Police Deal With Unusual Phone Calls

After receiving two bizarre calls Wednesday, Orem police are asking, "Exactly how were you expecting us to help you?"

One woman called to report that she had e-mailed a nude photo of herself that was now being circulated on the Internet without her consent, and the other called to report that a University Mall security guard had assaulted her while she tried to flee after stealing jewelry.

An unidentified woman said she was distraught after she found out that the compromising photo she sent to a male Internet acquaintance found its way to her ex-husband and current employer.

The women adamantly told the police she had never told the Internet acquaintance where she worked. She was worried this man that she hardly knows could get such personal information about her.

Orem police said they were left to question why the woman sent the picture in the first place, and what they are supposed to do about it.

"Most folks I know would be concerned if anyone had naked pictures of them, whether they knew the person or not," said Lt. Douglas Edwards of the Orem Police Department.

The second women called Wednesday evening to report that a man at the mall assaulted her, accused her of stealing and then stole her purse.

The story was confirmed by security at the University Mall, but they told the story a little differently.

Police said a security guard spotted a woman putting jewelry in her purse and then leaving Macy's department store without paying.

When the security guard confronted the woman, she tried to escape and a fight broke out.

The security guard grabbed the suspect but let her go after being bitten and hit repeatedly with a shoe.

While the suspect made her escape, the security guard retained the purse that contained the stolen jewelry and the suspect's identification.

Orem police officers are now searching for the woman who was not found at her home in American Fork when police tried to contact her.