about a play i'm in

I figure it's high time to announce this show I'm in. It is

A Flickering
at the Historic Provo Theatre
Preview April 8, 7:30pm
Performances nightly April 9-12, 16-19
Matinees 2:30pm April 10 & 17

Look, my face is on the poster.
Don't I look distant and disappointed? And the period makeup they added to my contemporary face looks great. I have little bow lips, guys.

I play an ambitious silent film writer/director called Max, who convinces her friend Samantha to be in her big break-through film, until Howard (pictured below) the cinematographer steals the footage and sells it to Famous Players, who releases the film to Max's dismay and Samantha's ruin. High drama, right? And there's a live upright grand piano to accompany us.

We have a blog. It's fledgling, but picking up steam.

This is what we look like in the show (kind of).
In real life, after I have my hair cut, better hair-curling tools, etc., I hope to channel Bebe Daniels a little more. Isn't she so chic?
So anyway. Come see this show, please. I'm pretty proud of it (though we're still a week away from opening and I need every minute I can have to practice and go over these lines I'm starting to panic about forgetting them omg what if my mind goes blank?!?!?!?!?!??!). I might even give you a coupon for $2-off as a bribe. You can get tickets online right now from the comfort of your own home! So what's stopping ya!

but for real

Ames is a really big freakin' deal. I can't stand it.

aches of the head

Okay, I admit it. I didn't take a shower this morning, guys. What are you going to do about it? I don't smell, and my hair looks pretty okay, and I put a new coat of eye makeup on yesterday's eye makeup so it looks grungy-chic.

My reasons are: 1) My hairdryer is broken, I need a new one, and my hair is in that weird mullety stage that air dries really . So that is clearly not an option. 2) I woke up with a cracking headache for like the tenth time in the last two weeks.

I am no stranger to headaches. I've had them since I was very small. Probably inherited from my dad (along with the acne and the overbite. LOVE YOU, DERD!). They're typically of the sinus variety, but also have symptoms of good ol' tension headaches. I have a strong memory of suffering from a particularly screaming headache when I was about 10 years old, and my mom sitting next to my bed, brushing her fingertips along my forehead and telling me to envision the headache as a big nasty black hole that was slowly slowly slowly falling into itself and disappearing.

It didn't work.

But it was a nice thought! I still try that game now and then.

Still doesn't work.

But it was a nice thought!

All my headaches tend to settle behind my eyes, in my temples, in my neck, and in my shoulders/shoulder blades. And obviously under my eyes in my sinuses. Occasionally it's bad enough that my teeth ache. The sinus headaches started becoming more frequent when we moved to Utah, to a higher elevation. It's easier to feel pressure changes in the weather-- but at least that comes in handy, because my sinuses can predict the weather. Sometimes if I take some good, strong sinus medication, I can feel the pressure literally go pop! pop! pop! as it dissipates. Slowly.

According to the Discovery Health website, tension headaches are caused "in response to stress, anxiety and fatigue. Some experts believe that sufferers of tension headaches may have a biological predisposition to translate stress into the muscle contractions that cause this pain." What could I possibly be stressed or anxious about?

Well, turns out I'm starting to dream about the play, or my job, or this summer camp I'm trying to help organize.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest this is at least part of the cause of my headaches?

It probably doesn't help to live in a world filled with constant he-said-she-said and finger pointing. I'm certain that's not helping, in fact.

And let's be real-- I don't have any kind of stress reliever because I sit at this desk all day (where I stress out about life) and then I go to rehearsal (where I stress out about lines) and then I go home and lie in bed and stare at the television and drool a little. And then start all over. So I'm going to start working out. I don't know when. I have no idea when. But I've got to find little snippets of time to go pour all my stress into some kind of elliptical machine, which will make me fall sleep better, which will make me not dream, which will cut the headaches out of my life.

Cutting out the Diet Coke would probably also do it, but it's not going to happen. Let's just not kid ourselves.

hodge podge

Have you ever watched a movie and then, finding yourself suddenly helpless (maybe a bit hapless) and without a drop of creativity, you just let the DVD menu play for a few minutes-- that cut of the soundtrack becoming more and more obnoxious-- and then just hit Play and watch that same movie twice in a row?

I did that the other night with Northanger Abbey while Ames was at rehearsal. To my credit (if any credit is to be had), I fell asleep the second time through, so it wasn't quite so pathétique (still pathétique, let's be real).


My hair is getting too long in the back and it's making me lethargic. You wouldn't think shaggy hair would induce laziness, would you? It's like how Samson had long hair and was very strong, only I have long hair and would rather sit around in this snuggie, watching the same movie four times, maybe drooling a little bit, and my bangs in my eyes.

What should I be doing?

Memorizing, for one thing. I'm in a play that opens in two weeks. It is called A Flickering, it was written by my friend Mel, and there is a blog about it. Rehearsals have been going well, in the sense that we're working through a lot of really good things and starting to get to some strong places in character. That said, I'm no where near where I should be in memorizing, and I'm starting to stay up nights, fretting about it. When I'm not fretting, I dream about being backstage, about to go on, and realizing I haven't even looked at the script in days.

This won't happen in real life, but it's nerve wracking enough, that's for true.

I could also be cleaning the house, organizing the closet, figuring out what the devil I should do with the back room so it's not just a dumping ground anymore, reading a book, working on that essay I want to write... so many things.

But now there's Chocolat, and this snuggie, and Veggie Chips, and a heating pad on my back. Hey. I could be eating real potato chips, but I'm not, so thumbs up to me for that, right?

It may be preemptive to discuss, but Ames and I were called back for 110 in the Shade this morning at the Hale Center Theater Orem. To be called back was kind of a big deal in itself, so I guess it's okay to talk about. Audra McDonald-- four-time Tony winner, two-time Grammy winner, and star of Private Practice-- and Will Swenson-- recent star of Hair on Broadway and LDS film star-- are guest starring this summer in little Orem, Utah, and we were a few of only about thirty people who may have the chance to work with them. It was an interesting experience, and who knows what will come of it. I don't pretend to make any assumptions or feel secure one way or the other, but it got me thinking about my ambition and career and future and I've been humming "Don't Rain on My Parade" the whole rest of the day.

That's what I'm doing-- I'm contemplating my future. Yes. And part of my future, at this point, will involve looking like Juilette Binoche.

Meanwhile, the snuggie. And spider solitaire, which is highly addicting even though I only play on Easy.

list of happies

Happies, I said, not hippies, okay?

Some days, I need to take to heart a little Bing-and-Rosemary and just count my blessings. Not to fall asleep, but because I'm a real Debbie Downer lately about things when I really don't need to be. And I shouldn't be. I need to just be like "Good hell, self. STFU." and then be content.

THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME ABOUT MY LIFE, OKAY SELF?
.in no order.

1. Tom Ka soup.

2. My wedding ring set.

3. Large Diet Coke from McDonald's for $1.08.

4. The human orchestra on the Bright Star soundtrack.

4.5. Ben Wishaw in Bright Star because he is my boyfriend.

5. Mr. Ames, who doesn't mind Ben Wishaw being my boyfriend.

6. This freaking huge-A, bright orange, mildly ridiculous kimono on my office wall.

7. I have a job.

8. I have health insurance.

9. My nice and supportive and very talented friends who don't take advantage of me at work.

10. My parents.

11. My sister-and-BIL.

12. My in-laws.

13. Supportive artistic mentors.

14. Opportunities to write and to perform.

15. My cardigan collection.

16. Tokyo Disney.

17. All the babies my friends are having.

18. My hair is growing.

19. Carey Mulligan in Northanger Abbey.

20. Not having to distribute 40,000 summer camp fliers on my own because UVU Theatre students are selfless and awesome.

21. The fingerprints on my office window left by a tiny child squishing her face against it to say hello to me today.

22. Europe.

23. My wedding pictures.

24. Stanley Tucci's existence.

25. Spell check.

26. Essays.

27. My handwriting.

28. Twitter.

29. Delegation.

30. Extra jobs becoming available for minimal work and maximum pay.

31. Will & Grace.

32. The snuggie I made for myself with fabric that reminds me of New Orleans Square.

33. My bed.

34. My ankle is healing!!!!!!!!!!!

35. The fake cigarettes I get to use in the play I'm rehearsing.

35.5. The number of times I find excuses to have fake cigarettes in shows.

36. How bad I used to be at blogging.

36.5 How I might still be bad at blogging?

37. Purple eyeliner.

38. Ames competing in the Mr. UVU Pageant.

39. Post-Its.

40. Really cool theatre opportunities coming up this summer.

41. Theatre with -re versus Theater with -er.

42. Sprout the dog.43. Sharpie pens.

44. Listing 43 reasons my life is awesome, okay?, in like twelve minutes.

minesweeping

It is literally the worst part of my day when this happens:

Literally. The worst. I hate that sad frowny face with the Xs for eyes more than anything.

Here's a fresh new game of the minesweeper, set at Expert level, and after only two clicks-- in just one brief second!--

KABOOM.

I get it okay? I'm a LOSER, okay??

The fact is, I'm really good at minesweeper. Like, weirdly good. Like, as good as I can get without being a computer genius. My best time on Expert is 109 seconds. It was like a dream. My fingers were clicking that mouse so steadily, so confidently, and before I knew it, I was being asked to enter my name for a new High Score.

109 seconds. That's freakin sick, you guys. Of course, the computer on which I set said High Score has since gone metaphorically KABOOM and no proof of my skillz remain. Nothing but a memory of the high, the rush, the payoff.

My best score on Beginner is 5 seconds. I admit that was kind of a fluke. I hit like three squares and won. Click, click, click, then You have the fastest time for beginner level. Please enter your name. Like that could even happen on purpose. Like I'm actually even that awesome.

You know, though, if you're not careful, you'll type in your name, hit "submit" and you'll ACCIDENTALLY RESET YOUR SCORES. Some tricksy game developer programed the name entering screen EXACTLY where the High Scores screen pops up, and the "submit" button is DIRECTLY over the "Reset Scores" button.

I take back the instant death thing being the worst about minesweeping.

Accidentally resetting your scores is literally the worst part of my day.

Mr. Ames doesn't understand the rules of the game. I didn't either until my coworker at Independence High finally explained the rules back in March of 2006. One time, the computer tech teacher had to install some updates on all the computers in the school, and unbeknownst to me, he just remoted himself in to my computer-- and started playing for me! Not only did I lose control of my own mouse without warning, he lost my game for me. Jerk.

I have memories as a child, setting up a custom game so there was a single mine, and with literally one click, I could beat the game. That's because I didn't know the satisfying nuances of the game. It's a puzzle. It's mind bending. It's beautiful. Unless you keep losing accidentally-- then it's plain frustrating.

My teeny baby 9"-screen computer at home is so small that I have to use both hands to click the mouse if I hope to stand any chance of playing quickly. It works pretty well, until I left-click with my left hand instead of right-click with my right hand and then KABOOM. I've learned to be leisurely at home. These are no high scoring games, by any means, but it decreases the margin of error and I can more easily watch Will & Grace simultaneously. Of course, I get all thrown off when I come to work and there's a speedy little mouse to use, and then I get ahead of myself, and then I can't even seem to set a high score of any kind on Expert, even a sucky high score (which is ironic anyway).

Minesweeper was disabled at Seven Peaks last summer. I hated that the most. It's not like I'm an addict. It's just relaxing sometimes, okay?

Sometimes I try to play without actually right-clicking the mines, just to mix up the difficulty. There's also a certain satisfaction when you hit the last safe square and all the remaining mines fill in themselves. You know that moment on The Office, when Pam is playing FreeCell and she's saving the one card so they'll all go flipflipflipflipflipflipflipflip? Same thing, only with mines, and no sound effects.

It would be cool if Wii had a version of minesweeper. Then again, there's something reliable about its simplicity. Still. Wii Minesweeper. It's got possibilities.

This post is starting to feel disjointed because I've started actually playing instead of finishing a thought. So apparently minesweeper also makes my thought process go KABOOM.

Time to wrap it up and concentrate, suckers.